Hamistagan
by fluffy2001
Summary: Sam drifts in the afterlife after a hunt goes bad, while Dean, Ruby and Bobby deal with Sam's lost fight. Castiel doesn't know how to help Dean, since his orders are to do nothing. Takes place after "Heaven and Hell".
1. Chapter 1

**a/n: Here I go again! This was created by my mind wandering on a recent road trip. A couple years ago I wrote what is still my favorite fic, "After Life in PPTH" for the House fandom. The concept came from an old St. Elsewhere episode where a character dies and drifts between Purgatory, Heaven and Hell. I put Dr. Chase through that scenario in that fic, and somehow I wondered how it would work if I put Sam Winchester through it. Of course the concept in this fic is very different, for instead of doctors trying to save Sam's life, it's a lot of Ruby, Dean and Castiel wrestling for answers while Sam faces his test. This is the beginning. I still don't have time for fics, but again this idea wouldn't die!**

**Hamistagan is the term for purgatory in Zoroastrian eschatology. **

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The arid terrain irritated his badly parched throat, but he had to keep moving. He had to find help. Every bit of his insides tinged with anxiousness, but his mind hadn't truly grasped how wrong this situation was. How he wasn't supposed to be there. How he even got there.

The dust kicked up from his boots added to the discomfort, as did the high scorching sun. The survivalist instinct had kicked in, and his mind narrowed toward reaching one goal, finding a way out of there.

"Dean?" Sam called out, turning full circle in hopes that his bleary and irritated eyes would spot his brother. He could see for miles and there wasn't a thing but dirt and rocks. Not a person, a car, a building, a road, nothing but the dry brush. Sam suddenly realized he wasn't thinking straight, and fished in his pockets for his phone. They were empty. He exhaled in distress and swallowed hard, his throat burning worse in the process.

Everything felt wrong, and each step only caused his uneasy feeling to spike higher. Something was eating at him, an exaggerated sense of remorse. Why?

This place felt vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place where he'd seen it before. He didn't want to waste much energy remembering either, for that would distract him from his mission.

_Isolation is the sum total of wretchedness to a man. _Sam shook off the stray thought, for he didn't need to berate himself with Thomas Carlyle right now. It wasn't his fault he was alone, was it? Is it possible he did this to himself? He cleared his wandering mind, focusing his eyes forward. He walked with determination, for he wouldn't go down without a fight.

The longer he carried on his anxious march forward, but more he realized that nothing about the landscape had changed. He raised his arm and twisted his wrist toward him, checking his watch to see how long he'd been walking. It had stopped at 10:18 pm. "Is time standing still?" He asked out loud, the words barely choking through his dry throat. He pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a small smile. That assumption was a pretty far leap over a broken watch.

He swiped his arm along his burning forehead, but there was no sweat there to cool him. With one tug he yanked his shirt up and draped it over his head to act as a shield from the sun. He didn't let himself think about the odds over how long he'd last in these conditions. He just hoped shelter or any kind of help would not be far.

Out of the blue, a sharp pain drilled him on the back of the head and a memory flashed before him. Dean was against the wall, being slowly choked to death by a man. Sam cried out, but his cry was silent as his lips kept moving. The man hurting Dean whipped around, his malicious glare dominated by those black eyes. The fury suddenly spiked in Sam and before he knew it his arm was out.

Sam found himself on his hands and knees, the hot dirt burning at his palms and knees. The baking sun wouldn't let up, but his worries were only of Dean. Was that a vision or a flashback? Is Dean okay? Where was he?

"Somebody help me!" He cried, but the only sound was the long echo of his troubled words.

His knees wobbled as he raised himself to his feet, and his next steps forward felt like lead weights were attached to his ankles. He felt the hot liquid drip down the back of this neck, confusing him since it was too dry to perspire. His hand came back from his neck red from his own blood. How did that happen? Nothing was near him for miles, what would cause him to bleed? The wound wasn't there earlier.

Another flash came to him again along with more intense pain. The dark warehouse in the background waved in distortion as glimpses of Ruby showed her struggle with her own attack. "Help me Sam," she cried. Paralyzing fear spiked within him and the vision morphed back to the hot dry desert.

Sam awoke flat on the ground, the scorched earth irritating his already cracked lips. The blood trickle now felt like a gush, and the ground was no longer steady, spinning in sickening movements. Now bile burned his throat, and the fleeting thought that death might be a better option right now darted through his mind. What was happening to him? Was this a punishment for his failures? Did Dean and Ruby die because of him?

Another vision struck with brazen agony as Sam thought his brain would burst through of the gash in the back of his skull. Dean turned blue, ready to succumb to the demon who had a hold of him. Guilt and helplessness overwhelmed a frozen Sam, twisting into him like the knife that took his live before. "Dean!" he yelled, but the noise of this hoarse voice only managed to snap him out of the troubling vision.

"No!" His fist slammed into the dust before he found the surge within to pull himself up. He wavered on unsteady legs, but kept going as his steps turned into slow and hard staggers. The wound now had the better of him, and not only could he not save his brother, he couldn't help himself either. Pangs of remorse consumed his already weakened state, taking any fight he had left. How could he let Dean down like that? How could he fail him again? As the surroundings around him went fuzzy, Sam believed any personal doom he faced was just.

"Sorry Dean." Sam tumbled face first to the ground and everything went dark.

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"Any change?" Dean shouted with frantic tone, looking through the rear view mirror into the back seat. He pushed the gas pedal to the floor, the roar of the engine now in full throttle. How could this happen? How did they get so careless where he didn't have Sam's back?

A distressed Ruby lifted up her red soaked hand, confirming the situation was growing worse. She returned it to the bloody mop of hair in her lap, hoping applied pressure would slow the critical wound. She didn't have the words to answer.

"Ruby! Answer me!"

"No!"

Dean didn't know where he was going, or where there was even a town where he could get help. After they grabbed Sam he got on the nearest main road and instinct told him to go north. Given the lack of civilization anywhere, he wanted to kick himself for not trying the other direction first.

"Where's a cop where you need one?" Dean growled in frustration. He looked at Ruby again, who didn't look so good either. "Why can't you tell me where the hospital is? Don't you have some sort of demon radar?"

"I…I," Ruby didn't have a good answer. She normally was quick on her feet, but this time, she was too stunned. Her other hand rested on Sam's chest, where the rise and fall grew increasingly shallow. She could barely feel a heartbeat anymore. Sam was losing the fight.

Dean saw a sign as he flew by. "There's a town ten miles ahead. Maybe we can find a doctor there." There had to be help somewhere. He couldn't lose Sam like this. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Ruby's stare fixed on Sam's faraway eyes. His pupils were large, so black that he could have been confused for a demon. She knew that even if he survived this, the damage was too great. None of this made sense. Slow suffering and death was par for the course in her long existence. Why was she fearing the worst for Sam? Why were thoughts of his demise ripping her insides to shreds?

"Dean!" Ruby said with a sharp panic. "He's not breathing." She climbed on top of Sam, straddling her knees on both sides, stretching him out on the back seat. She started chest compressions and mouth to mouth resuscitation.

"You better not be trying to get in his pants again!" Dean said.

"Shut up and get some help!" Ruby ordered in between her deep breaths. She knew her efforts were only buying time.

"I'm doing my best," Dean replied with bitterness, knowing he couldn't push his baby any faster. He kept glimpsing at Ruby through the rear view mirror, and swore he actually saw a tear glistening on her cheek. He didn't have time to check for sure though, for he slammed on the brakes and the Impala spun, fishtailing the rear of the vehicle before coming to a stop. Ruby slammed into the back on the front seat, but somehow held Sam in place.

"What the Hell?"

Dean gunned the Impala and headed the other direction, thankful for having such a fast engine. "I just spotted an ambulance. Just make sure he's alive by the time we catch up to it!"

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"Rise and face your judgment." The words rang in his ears, but the source was lost on him.

"Samuel!" He heard this time. No one ever called him that. Not Dean, not Dad, not Jess. Who would dare use his given name of a piece of paper? The calling of his birth name was enough to rouse his interest. He blinked several times, the heavy light bothering his dry eyes. His mouth felt like Velcro, and the fact his face was millimeters from the dry dust wasn't helping. He slowly rose himself up from the ground, but it was difficult because of his shaking arms.

Sam gazed off into the distance, finding himself still in the open and exposed desert. This time though, he spotted something. He closed his eyes and shook his head before looking again. What he saw couldn't be right. It occurred to him this was the desert, so it was likely a mirage. He shuffled several painful steps forward, and now he knew he had to be hallucinating. There was a woman in the distance, sitting in the middle of this no man's land on a lawn chair. "Hello?" He called out, but his cracked voice barely made an audible sound.

Sam moved closer to the woman, although his progress was slow. He swore she looked familiar, but he couldn't tell for sure at that distance. The entire time she just sat there reading a book, looking up every now and then to check on his approach. There was an empty lawn chair next to her, but no sign of a companion.

After a while the woman came in view. Sam rubbed his eyes, convinced the air was playing tricks on him. It couldn't be her. _It's impossible._

"Hello Sam," the woman said, lowering her book once he was a few feet away.

"Madison?" Sam was at a loss over how she couldn't be there. "I…don't get it. You're dead."

Madison put her book down, stood up and stroked her hand down the side of Sam's head. She gave him a huge smile. "So are you Sam."

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**a/n: Anyone interested in chapter two? Let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n: Thank you everyone that sent a review or put the story on alert. That tells me there's some interest in yet another one of my crazy ideas, so for you all, here's chapter two. Major angst for everyone, so enjoy!**

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Hospital waiting rooms are the seventh circle of Hell, Dean thought. He should know too. This sorry ass medical center was easily one of the worst he'd ever been in. Of course his frantic mood probably contributed to his low opinion. Why wouldn't anyone tell him what's going on?

A fresh cup of coffee emerged in front of him, snapping him out of his rising desire to bust this place up. He reached out without question and accepted it, offering Ruby a quick look of thanks before going on with his anxiousness.

Ruby cautiously stepped over to the seat next to Dean and sank down into it. She didn't know what to say. Offering comfort wasn't exactly in her nature, and even if it was, Dean would never want to hear it.

"You find out anything?" Dean asked, enough apprehension hanging in that question where wasn't sure if he wanted to know the answer.

Ruby shook her head. "I couldn't get close. He was surrounded by doctors and nurses, all sorts of tubes and wires sticking out of him, it was-" She stopped, when she saw Dean cringe at the mental picture.

Dean swiped his hand slowly over his face in an attempt to grasp the reality of the situation. "What happened back there Ruby?"

"You don't remember?"

"All I remember is everything almost going dark and then black smoke came out of the person choking me. He went down and fell next to Sam who was, you know." Dean turned his head away, fighting back his rush of emotion. He couldn't lose it right now, not when Sam was still fighting. He took in a deep breath and stood up, walking around to help his tattered frame of mind. "So how did that happen to Sam?"

"The other guy attacked me. Sam went to help me first, but then saw you were in worse trouble and started the exorcism on the demon attacking you. The other guy got off me and before I could get up hit Sam in the back of the head with your crowbar. Sam somehow managed to finish the job before collapsing."

Dean walked around some more, grabbing his temples to help dull the pain forming in his head. The whole thing still didn't make sense. "How did those demons get the jump on us? We were supposed to be catching them by surprise." Dean's tone turned to mistrust, for those were Ruby's words when they were in the diner before the hunt.

"What are you asking Dean? You think I set you guys up? You think I wanted this to happen to Sam?" Ruby scowled but held back her anger over the accusation, trying hard to be patient with Dean.

"Whatever," Dean said, not convinced but he had no reason to doubt her right now. After all, she did end up killing the demon that got Sam.

Ruby gave him a sour stare, and moved to a separate corner of the room to give Dean some breathing space. She needed it herself. Something was too unfamiliar to her in this waiting room. It was almost like she was feeling something. Sadness? Helplessness? Sorrow? Either way, she didn't like it. Considering Sam was unresponsive when they got there and hadn't been revived, nothing about this was easing her mind.

Dean had nothing but bad feelings about this, but he couldn't let himself think the worst. Sam had been through plenty of scrapes before, so there was no reason to think he couldn't get out of this one. He pushed out of his mind the sudden memory of Sam dead on the mattress. He couldn't think about that now. He couldn't take that again.

"Mr. Phelps?" A man in scrubs asked at the waiting room entrance. Dean didn't look up, too lost in thought and not familiar with that alias.

"Dean!" Ruby shouted. She pointed at the doctor in the doorway.

"Uh, yeah." Dean said walking over. "Sorry, I'm a little out of it."

"I understand." The doctor had that sympathetic, ready-to-break-bad-news look on his face. Dean's stomach turned sour. "Sam isn't-"

"Sam's not responsive and isn't breathing on his own. A CT scan confirmed what we feared, his brain injury is catastrophic. The strike to the back of the head was bad, but it triggered problems in other parts of the brain that exacerbated the injury."

"What?"

"A weakness of vessels in other parts of the brain indicates the trauma triggered another condition. Has he had problems with headaches or nosebleeds recently?"

Dean fired a look at Ruby, scolding her with his eyes over her part in taking Sam down that road. "No, not that I know of."

"Sam suffered an acute subdural hematoma."

"English doc."

"He's massively bleeding into his brain and the intracranial pressure has damaged his brain cells. He's currently being kept alive by respiratory and cardiac intervention. We have certain criteria that must be met over the next 24 hours to be absolutely sure, but all signs now point to brain death. Someone will meet with you shortly to go over options, but once brain death is declared, all treatments will cease."

Dean's eyes widened at the prognosis. "Are you saying you're going to pull the plug on my brother? Not give him a fighting chance?"

"There's no chance of recovery from this type of injury. I'm sorry, I know this is difficult. The counselor will be able to answer all your questions and address your concerns."

Dean wasn't taking this news well. "Where is Sam right now? I gotta see him."

"ICU. They've given him a private room so you can-" The doctor stopped when he saw Dean's eyes light up, afraid he would punch him. "It's a better setting for your final moments. Only relatives are allowed in there though." The doctor looked at Ruby, uncertain of her status since she wasn't listed on the forms.

"This is Sam's wife." Dean said, sharing a gaze of stunned devastation with Ruby.

The doctor conveyed the same sympathetic glance to Ruby, who gave him a cold stare in return. "A nurse will be along soon to take you both upstairs. I'm very sorry, and feel free to page me if you have any questions."

The doctor left and Dean sank slowly back into his chair, dropping his face into his hand. Ruby took the seat next to him. "Dean?"

Dean pulled his hand away and shook his head, wiping away the few tears that had escaped from his eyes. "Please tell me you know how to summon an angel."

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His perplexed reaction couldn't deny her statement, but he wasn't sure if he believed it either. Still, this barren wasteland was familiar.

"Don't you remember this place Sam?" Madison asked, returning to her chair. She patted the empty one beside her in hopes Sam would join her. Sam didn't accept the invitation.

Sam looked all around trying hard to jog his memory. He had been there before, but for the life of him he couldn't remember when. "I'm not sure."

"You spent a few days here the last time you died. You were just getting adjusted when you fell back to earth. That was a pretty bitching event to witness from my end, I'll tell ya."

Sam thought harder, and suddenly got dizzy as he felt more gushing from his head wound. He dropped into the empty seat, closed his eyes and waited for the spinning to pass. "What is this place?"

"Hamistagan."

Sam suddenly opened his eyes in surprise. "Purgatory?"

"Fine, call it that if you want. I like the other name better. It sounds so mystical. Purgatory sounds Catholic."

Sam inhaled and exhaled slow deep breaths, trying to center his unsteady stomach as well as his head. It's a good thing there was a seat there, for it beat falling on the hot dirt. "I'm dead?"

"Wow, I can't get nothing past you." Sam gave her a sardonic glare, letting her know he wasn't in the mood for games.

"You look like crap by the way."

Sam ignored her and tried hard to remember what happened. "Are Dean and Ruby okay?"

"You see them here? Scratch that, Ruby wouldn't be here. Her ticket is still stamped for Hell." Sam's look again demanded a straight answer. "Yes, they're fine."

A wave of relief fell over Sam. "Then why do I feel like I've done something horrible to them?"

"That's the fun of Hamistagan. You really don't remember, do you? The idea is for you to address all those negative feelings that weighed you down on earth. Seems like you have some guilt issues."

"I remember," Sam said sadly. This place was where he had to expunge all his sins. Until he did, they would swarm him like an angry mob.

"Dean can't get you out this time either. A soul can only be coughed up once. I'm afraid this time's for real."

Sam felt relief over that too. He couldn't bear the idea of Dean doing anymore time in Hell. He felt another trickle of blood go down his neck. "Why am I still injured? Shouldn't I be healed by now?"

"Not until your final destination is determined. You're a tricky case Sam. You always walked a fine line in life, so your death isn't going to be much different. Your test is going to be brutal."

"Test?"

"All souls go somewhere. It's time for judgment."

That triggered another memory. He did remember his few days here before, before Dean made the deal that brought him back to life. "I remember now. I was drifting in the afterlife."

"You didn't get very far. I think the sudden shock of dying was too much for you back then. You've gotten more accustomed to the idea now. How many times since then have you wished you were dead? Almost every day?"

Sam's heart sank over her words. "How did you know that?"

"I can read you like a book. Plus no one's the same once they go back. Let me guess, you had this hole inside that grew larger and darker. A hole that eventually filled with bitterness."

He wasn't sure what it was filled with, only that it was there. "There were some days-" A wave of extreme dizziness suddenly hit him, and Sam sank further into the chair. He remembered the fight and the sharp stab at the back of his head when he was hit from behind. He was too focused on the exorcism to notice anyone was there. "I think I need to rest."

Madison opened up her book again. "Yes, you do that. Remember though, every time you go under you wake up somewhere else. The drifting is going to be worse this time."

Sam wanted to know more about the drifting and the test he was about to face, but his consciousness was gone before he knew it.

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Ruby stopped at the end of the hall once they got out of the elevator. Dean had taken a few steps ahead of her before noticing she wasn't keeping up. He stopped and turned around, confused by her frightened look. "What?"

"I just realized I'm no use here. I'm going to look into some options."

Dean wasn't sure about her timing, but any help she could provide would be welcome. "Okay."

Ruby nodded with a nervous smile and headed in the other direction. "Ruby!" Dean shouted, stopping her. He wasn't sure how to ask the question, and stumbled getting the words out.

"There's no way the crossroads demon will ever deal with a Winchester again. You both are too much trouble."

Dean nodded, accepting she was right, especially since Sam had killed the last two and an angel gave him a "Get Out of Hell Free" card. They weren't going to do them any favors.

"Be careful," he told Ruby before she turned again and walked away.

Dean told himself to be firm, to expect to be overwhelmed, but his mental preparation wasn't enough. When entered the ICU and saw Sam, sunken in the bed, swallowed by blankets, tubes, wires, and his hair matted by electrical nodes, it was like someone punched him straight in the gut. He froze at the entrance to the room, too stunned to go forward, too guilt ridden to go back.

"Mr. Phelps?" A nurse asked from behind. "Can I get you anything?" Dean shook his head and proceeded toward Sam's bedside, where a chair was waiting for him. He glanced up at one of the monitors, noticing a mostly flat line moving with occasional blips.

"That's the EEG," the nurse explained. "It measures his brain activity."

"There doesn't seem to be much," Dean noticed.

The nurse sadly shook her head, all but confirming that the tests were a mere formality at this point. "Any movement we see is likely from the amplifier noise since we're scanning at high sensitivity." Dean solemnly took in her explanation, turning his eyes back to his pale and lifeless brother.

"I'll be outside if you need anything." She left, giving Dean that privacy that he wasn't sure he needed but was now grateful to have.

"Oh Sammy," Dean said, touching his brother's clammy arm. He winced as the remorse hit him hard and the sight of his fallen brother went glassy. He shook his head, reminding himself he had to be strong.

"We'll get you out of this somehow. Just keep fighting. Ruby's checking into things right now. It seems my soul isn't worth trading anymore, so you won't have to worry about that." His attempts at optimism resulted in a tearful surge, and he let a few sobs escape.

"You saved me you know. I want to thank you for that." Dean wanted to believe that Sam's act was heroic, but it wasn't helping his emptiness inside.

"I'm sorry for being careless. I should have had your back." He knew it was too late for apologies. They didn't help his guilt the last time and they certainly weren't going to do much good now.

Dean shot up in frustration, not at all pleased by his wimpish behavior. He clenched his fists and paced around. "No, no, there's got to be something I can do. Castiel, can you hear me!"

His outburst got a strange look from the nurse in the hall, but other than that, there was no reaction. He lowered his voice, so not to attract any more attention. "Come on Cas, I need you." After another minute of silence, his patience was shot.

Dean knew he'd already pushed his luck too far with the angels and his constant use of the "God wants me here for a reason" argument. He had to try it again though, for it was the only leverage he had. There was one way to get Castiel's attention. "Don't worry Sammy. I'll get you out of this."

He briskly left the room and charged down the hall in quick strides, ignoring the cries from the nurse of his fake name.

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Sam carefully opened his eyes, for it was especially bright. It wasn't as hot though and he appreciated the break from the heat. If there wasn't heat though, then where was he?

He shot up, finding he was flat on his back on a grassy patch. He was in the center of a beautiful garden, surrounded by loads of blooms and pristine shrubs. He blinked his eyes a few times, for he'd never seen anything this beautiful even in his dreams. The entire place had a bright white hue to it, adding a divine element to the scenery.

He stood on his feet and realized his queasiness was gone. His hand moved to the back of his head, and now his wound was reduced to a small cut. "Huh," he said, looking all around, trying to get some answers. The place was so peaceful and serene, it felt like he died and gone to…_wait, is this Heaven?_

"Hello, Sam," he heard from behind him. His insides churned, for he knew that voice. He whipped around and stared in disbelief.

"Jess?"

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**a/n: Still interested? Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n: Thanks everyone for the great reviews and votes of confidence by putting this on story alert. I'm quite encouraged by the response since I don't write much for this fandom. **

**Beware, you're going to both love me and hate me for this one. It's very intense. Long too. **

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Ruby approached the ICU room, but stopped short of entering, looking in to see if it was safe. Dean wasn't there, and her heart fell when she saw Sam, who wasn't recognizable to her. Still, she knew from her demon instincts it was him behind that empty shell. She felt a torment behind that soul.

"Mrs. Phelps?" The nurse said behind her. "I'm glad you're here. Your brother-in-law tore out of here an hour ago and no one is sure where he went. Sam is declining fast, and a loved one should be here just in case…uh, it would be a shame if that happened when he was alone."

"Um," Ruby said, not exactly planning on sticking around. She needed to find Dean. Something though about the nurse's hopeful glance and Sam's sorry state changed her mind. He shouldn't be alone. "Yep, I'll be right over here." She walked into the room and took a seat next to Sam, waiting until the approving nurse left to roll her eyes.

Ruby took in a deep breath, not sure to say. Her hand moved toward Sam's, with the intention of offering some comfort, but she pulled it away. It wouldn't make Sam feel any better. Her touches always made him uncomfortable.

"You know you're screwed. I've checked into everything I know and there just isn't a way out of this." Being tough came from her nature, but she wondered if she was using it as a shield here. It didn't help because Sam's sorry state just furthered her agony. She actually enjoyed their time together. He made her feel, human. He was doing that to her now, although these feelings she didn't like.

"I can't imagine what you're going through, but I know you're out there somewhere. I was there you know, in Hell when undelivered souls arrived. Many of them were terrified and they got it worse than those of us that were instantly condemned. It was like they were bastards or something."

Ruby frowned, hoping that Sam's judgment wouldn't be like that, but knowing how he lived his life, she expected the worst. "I can't save you from this one Sam. You're on your own."

She had no clue what to do next. "So am I," she said sadly. She leaned back and settled in, deciding it would be best to shut her mouth for now.

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Jess stood only a few feet away, glowing in her bright white dress. Sam's visions of her in that dress before were haunting, now it was holy. Her sweet smile sent a wave of comfort through him, a feeling so lost on him he couldn't remember the last time he felt that way. For the first time in a while, he experienced hope.

Jess sauntered over to a shaken Sam. Her angelic face turned to worry as she gazed deep into his weary eyes. She raised her hand to his head and stroked his shaggy hair, sending more shivers of serenity through him. "Oh Sam, the last three years haven't been kind, have they?"

Sam's eyes cast downward, for the scrutiny made him uncomfortable. "How have you been Jess?"

"Look where I am. I'm good."

Sam checked out the hazy and lush garden surrounding them. "It's beautiful. I don't get it though, why am I here?"

"You don't think you deserve Heaven?"

Any inner calm inside Sam quickly dissipated. "I haven't exactly led a saintly life. Even angels think I'm evil."

Her expression turned next to pity, for she had hoped by now he understood. "Warriors never are innocent Sam. You often had to do gruesome things for the greater good. Good intentions are rewarded here."

Sam didn't believe any of it, even though he knew Jess had no reason to lie. "Yeah, well, there's something about me that Heaven wouldn't like."

Jess smiled and gently grasped his hand, sending another streak of calm through him. "The demon blood isn't your fault Sam. Your judgment is based on what you did with what you were given, not what the source was of your pain."

Sam's shame didn't let up from her assurances. "I've killed innocent people Jess."

"You can't save every victim Sam. Their deaths were not your fault. You've saved more people than you've killed."

"How?"

"It isn't just the person you save Sam. Rescuing one being affects their families, everyone that knows that person, everyone that even gets a smile when they pass that person on the street. If that someone does one good deed, it has a ripple affect that touches many others lives. What you've done, it's had a major impact, more than you'll ever know."

Sam's eyes turned tearful, for he still didn't feel redemption. "I killed you Jess. If you hadn't known me, if I hadn't hidden the truth or been so desperate to be normal that I ignored my nightmares about you, you'd have been able to make your impact too."

Jess smiled. "You're still hanging onto guilt. That's been your undoing. You never forgave yourself for me, and you never forgave yourself for Dean. There was nothing you could have done."

"I wish I could believe that." A tear tell down his cheek, and he took in a deep uneven breath to calm his falling apart insides.

"Unless you release your burdens, then Heaven will never be your final destination."

Sam's look turned to confusion. "I don't understand. Why am I here then?"

"Part of your test is to give you glimpses, see how you react. A pure heart emanates good thoughts, lets go of the negativity and acknowledges even the smallest acts in the name of God make the world a better place. Unpure hearts will be cast out."

"I'm not sure this is where I belong."

"It isn't just the guilt and regret that's tearing at you. You need to let go of Dean."

Sam scrunched his lips together and a few more tears fell at the mention of his brother, for the thought of Dean alone hurt him. He remembered his life without Dean, and it was awful. "I can't."

"Until you let go, everything that weighed you down on earth will weigh you down in the afterlife. After a while, it'll doom your soul. Letting go means rising up, and you'll be cleansed of your impurities. No more evil crawling inside of you, smothering you so bad that you can't breathe. Don't you want that to end Sam?"

"Is that possible?" Another rush of emotion tore into him, settling into the pit of his stomach, the same feeling he got when sucker punched. A sob escaped from him this time.

Jess smiled at his naïveté. "Good things do happen Sam. You've been in the trenches too long. You must be able to see light, or you will be blinded."

Sam pulled her in for hug, desperately needing to feel something else over his pain. Even though he was swarmed by the warm energy from Jess and this place, he still felt uncomfortable. He was a stranger in his own skin. Suddenly, he felt the streaming of warm blood at the back of his head again. He let go of Jess and clutched onto the source of the pain.

Jess gave him another soothing smile and gripped his hand tight as she saw him get woozy. "This place is overwhelming to those with lost hope. Come on, let's walk. It'll help you adjust." Sam nodded and they walked side by side off into the distance.

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Dean entered the massive yet empty cathedral, a place that normally never affected him but given his recent run-ins with the angels, one that now did profoundly. The images of heavenly angels with wings on the stained glass windows made him scoff. Those pictures should be black, not white.

He felt small in the large room, and saw the irony in how cold the place was. Dean took slow wistful steps down the long aisle toward the altar, his eyes fixed on the massive wooden cross that hung in front of him. Sure, he could have gone to the little hokey chapel in the hospital but he needed someplace that would make a statement. A place where his presence would be noticed.

He remembered when his dad, Sam and himself would visit Pastor Jim at his church. How he would sit in the pews, and let his mind wander during the sermons while Sam hung on every word. He'd often watch Sam, and didn't understand why he believed any of this stuff. Maybe because he was too young to remember mom dying. Maybe because he hadn't lost all his innocence. Churches to him were like prisons, and he couldn't wait to get out.

"It's time to put on your party hat." Those words of Sam's rang through his ears and stung him as he stood in front of the altar. Was Sam out there somewhere, still believing in this so called merciful God? Dean hoped so, for now he needed this God too. His gaze stayed glued on the cross, hoping he would get some sort of sign, anything that would tell him what to do next.

After a long silent pause he remembered what Pastor Jim told him to do in times of doubt. Advice he never took. Until now.

To the left was the prayer altar, complete with the numerous votives lined in perfect rows. A few were lit, their flickers sending light echoes against the plaster wall. "It looks like your soul isn't alone Sammy." There was something strangely comforting coming about the few burning lights, as if Sam could use all the help he could get.

Dean took a couple steps toward it and then stopped himself. "I can't believe I'm doing this." He took one of the long matches and ignited it from a flame from another candle. "Thanks for the light," he expressed, hoping whoever's soul the candle was burning for was in a sharing mood. He remembered being told that lighting the candle was an act of faith and charity, so he watched his match burn for several seconds, questioning whether he was acting in desperation or if this was truly an expression of belief. For some reason, blasphemy was a concern to him now.

He lit the nearby votive and extinguished the match. He sank to his knees at the pew as if it was second nature, looking up at the high wooden arches defining the roof of the gothic building. "I meant that out of respect you know."

Dean thought carefully about what words to choose, but then got frustrated. "You'll have to excuse me if I'm missing the proper holy being greetings, but when you arranged to save me from the pit you knew you weren't getting an altar boy here. How about it just be you and me keeping it real?"

He stopped and looked at his hands, shocked to see they were folded together. That was another thing that came from some strange instinct. His eyes moved back upward.

"I'm grateful for what you've done for me, and don't think that I'll ever take it for granted. I apologize for not saying so before now. But, I don't get it. Why can't you give Sammy a break? He's never done anything wrong. He's always been an innocent victim. He's been the one all these years that believed in you and defended you while I wouldn't, yet I'm the one saved? No matter what, he keeps getting the raw deal. He didn't make that deal with Azazel, mom did, yet he's the one getting punished for it."

He paused for a minute, looking upward and around him to see if there was any type of sign. Like an angel or something. When he saw he was still alone, he continued.

"I still have no idea what you want with me, or what it is I'm supposed to do for you, but I can't do it without my brother by my side. We're a team, and I need him. We've stayed alive this long because of each other. He's never used his powers for evil, and he's actually saving lots of people with them. How can that be wrong? I say we turn that evil inside him to something good, especially since we're going to need all the firepower we can get."

Dean stopped, for now he was talking battlefield tactical maneuvers with the almighty. Those might not be the details the boss needed to hear right now. "Please, please don't take Sam from me. He's all I have left." His cracking voice barely choked out the last word while he rubbed the pooling wet out of his eyes.

Dean stayed there for several long minutes, his eyes moving from the high ceiling to the rest of the cathedral behind him then back to the light that now burned for Sam's soul. Dean dropped his head, for Sam's prayers went unanswered for years, why should his be any different? He was hoping he had a little more clout though. He got up, and started the long walk back down the aisle. He'd been away from Sam long enough.

"Can I help you son?"

Dean turned to see the Father standing to his right, his face loaded with sympathy, reading that he was troubled.

"You wouldn't have happened to have seen a guy around here, trench coat, blue suit with loosened tie, rumpled hair. You know, tax accountant on the edge."

"No, I haven't seen anyone like that. We're you supposed to meet him here?"

Dean frowned. "Apparently not." He continued walking, exiting the cathedral to spend what could be his final moments with the only family he had left.

---------------------------------------------------------

"So where have you been?" Ruby snarled, as a dejected Dean shuffled into the room.

"Tipping back a few wet ones and banging bar flies." Dean made his way over Sam's bedside, taking the chair on the opposite side of Ruby. He looked at the monitor, a small part of him clinging to the hope that whatever miracle he hoped for would happen. Nothing had changed. "Unlike you, I've been working on a way to save Sam."

"I see you didn't have any luck either."

"Yeah, well I left a message."

Ruby scoffed. "Angels aren't very good at checking their machines. We've got bigger problems anyway. That bitch from legal was looking for you. I guess there are some papers for you to sign. They don't need anymore tests. They're ready to pull life support."

"Perfect," he said, grabbing the back of his neck. "When?"

"Out of respect for his brother and wife, they're giving us until tomorrow morning."

"So why aren't you out there, finding him a life line?"

"Because there isn't one. You were in Hell Dean, you know what happens to drifting souls. How many of them got your extra special attention on the rack of torture?"

Dean wished that looks could slay the demon, because if his could, Ruby would be dead right now. "We have no reason to believe that's what Sam is going through."

"Sure Dean, a human/demon hybrid that both heaven and hell see as a menace. Nobody is going to be kind to him out there."

"Maybe he can fight off the reaper."

"Oh that's a great plan. Then he'll become a disembodied spirit left to fester with all that anger that's within him already. You or another gung ho do-gooder would be hunting him before you knew it. Face it Dean, he's screwed."

Dean shot up, anger flaring in his eyes. "Get out of here!" He ordered, with clenched jaw and firm tone. "Sam doesn't need to be hearing this from us, not in this state."

"Fine," Rudy said, getting up and heading for the door. She stopped a step short, turning her head and taking long pause of concern over a doomed Sam. This could be the last time she'll see him.

"I thought you were leaving," Dean said, not happy she wasn't gone yet.

She turned and left in a huff.

-------------------------------------------------------

"You're quiet Sam."

Sam and Jess had been walking for a while now, and even though Sam enjoyed the serenity, it also had an eerie feel. "I really don't know what to say. This is all a little too surreal for me."

"This place doesn't feel right, does it?"

Sam sadly smiled. "No place ever has. I'm sure I can adjust."

Suddenly Sam spotted a man in the distance, pale white with pock marked skin, dark circles under his eyes, and old worn clothing. He froze in fear, as he knew that man. He was a reaper. "No."

"What do you see Sam?"

"You don't see that?"

"See what?"

The man began shaking violently, his body turning into a gray blur. Sam instantly wished he had rock salt, or a weapon, or use of his abilities for he knew this wasn't good. His inner anxiety escalated with each passing second. He groaned as he felt a sharp stabbing pain in his stomach, causing him to drop to his knees, clutch his sides and double over.

"Sam?"

"What's happening to me?"

"Your judgment."

"How can I be punished?" He asked in between hard gasps. "I've always done what I thought was right. I did the best I could."

"I know Sam, but did he think it was right?"

"He?"

"God."

Sam's head started spinning next, along with more stabbing pain. He fought to stay steady on his knees, avoiding any urge to fall flat on the ground. "I prayed my whole life Jess, I never got any answers."

"Yes, you did Sam. You weren't listening."

Jess leaned over, gave him a soft gentle kiss on the forehead and took a few steps backward. "God bless you Sam. I'll pray for your soul." She looked forward, as did Sam, as something bright fast approached from the distance.

A burst of white light appeared, knocking Sam backward like a tidal wave.

Everything faded to black.

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He hadn't slept in over 24 hours, and considering most of those were emotionally draining, fighting his fatigue was a lost battle. The nurse even brought in a comfortable recliner for him to rest after seeing how weary he was.

While sleeping Dean's sixth sense suddenly kicked in, the one he always got when he knew he was being watched. His head jerked up toward the opposite side of the room, and his suspicions were confirmed.

"Hello Dean."

"Cas. Man am I glad to see you."

Castiel's head titled slightly as he fixated on Sam's hollow frame. He'd seen so much suffering in his years, but it'd been a while since he'd seen such an affliction. Human medicine had indeed changed.

"What are you waiting for? Do your angel thing and fix Sammy."

"Dean, there's nothing I can do."

Dean couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Wha…then why are you here?"

"I'm here as a…friend."

"A friend? You're an almighty being with super-healing mojo and you're here for caring and sharing? You often show up in rooms of coma patients and taunt their loved ones like this?"

"Sam must find his own path to salvation."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Castiel stepped glumly over to Sam. He reached out, placed his hand on top of Sam's, and closed his eyes. His face filled with deeper sorrow a few seconds later as he opened his eyes and removed his hand. "His battle is far from done."

"Yeah, well in the meantime these butchers are just itching to haul him to the morgue so they can get their bed back. There isn't much time."

Castiel came over to Dean next, gently touching his shoulder and making solid eye contact as if he was offering sincerest condolences. "I'm sorry Dean, but the Lord has commanded it. Sam must die."

Dean snapped awake with a gasp, hearing the alarms on the monitors. Sam was crashing.


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n: I know, me and my silly cliffhangers. I should have also warned that the last chapter went a little religious. This one is a plot driver, and sorry, two Winchesters are tormented in this chapter. It's all for a reason though, I assure you. Thank you everyone for reading!**

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He violently pushed the doors open in front of him, making his arrival at the medical center known. The nurses' station was straight ahead and he didn't hesitate at the chance to ruin someone's day. His day was already wrecked.

"Excuse me."

"I'll be with you in a minute sir."

Bobby slammed his hand down on the chart the ignorant clerk chose to read over tending to him. "No, I think you'll help me now. I'm looking for Sam Phelps and his brother Dean."

"Are they patients here?"

"Won't your fancy computer tell you that?"

She snarled, let out a deep sigh and started typing on the keyboard. After a minute of tapping her fingers, noticing Bobby's angry stare through the corner of her eye, her jaw dropped when she got the information.

"What is it?" Bobby knew a bad reaction when he saw one.

"Uh, sir, are you a relative?"

"I'm their Uncle. Now tell me-"

"Angela," a voice said from behind. "I can take him upstairs." She walked around the desk and waved Bobby over to the elevators. He followed her, knowing from his years of reading body language that she was hiding something.

They stepped into the elevator and she pushed the button for the third floor. "Dean mentioned that his Uncle would be driving in from South Dakota. You made good time for a two day trip."

"I got a fast car and no cop was stopping me."

She softly smiled in understanding as the doors to the elevator opened and they stepped out. She stopped and turned around to speak to him at the ICU entrance. "Mr…?"

"Singer."

"Mr. Singer. I've been the nurse on duty with Sam since he arrived. I often work longer shifts to see coma patients through their critical time after injury."

"I don't like the sound of this."

"I'm sorry Mr. Singer. Sam died an hour ago. Dean is in there with him now, saying goodbye."

Bobby turned pale, and his face twisted in distress.

"He's in there." She pointed to the closest room to the entrance. "I wanted you to be aware, because Dean's pretty shaken up. He needs some support."

Bobby slowly nodded in shock, his distant gaze fixed on the door. He could only imagine what was going on in there right now. He shuffled forward slowly, frightened of what he'd see. It couldn't be any worse than entering that home in Indiana and seeing Dean's mauled corpse on the floor.

As he opened the door, he saw how very wrong he was. It was just as bad. Sam's motionless body dominated the small bed, a pristine white sheet draped over his large frame up to his waist. His face was purple under the eyes and pure white everywhere else, and his hair had a variety of glued clumps were nodes once were. His arms had purple blotches where needles were recently placed but now gone.

Dean sat motionless in the recliner next to the bed, his blank stare fixed on the corpse in front of him. He was lost in another world, and didn't hear Bobby come in. The sight was almost too much for him to bear, but Bobby choked off his tears. "Dean?" He asked with broken voice.

Dean's eyes snapped over to him, as did his vacant glare. Dean flew up from his seat and came quickly over to Bobby, grabbing him in a large bear hug. Bobby returned the hug, and the two held onto each other for what seemed like an eternity.

"How are you doing son?"

"Shitty."

Bobby's eyes fell back to Sam as he continued his hold on Dean. He always thought bodies looked worse after they'd been messed with by doctors. He closed his eyes, for he didn't want that mental picture to hang. He wanted to remember Sam in better days.

Dean eventually broke the embrace, rubbing his face with his shaking hands. Bobby was confused, for Dean came across just as livid as distraught. "What is it Dean?"

"Cas told me God commanded this. I'm not too happy with the man upstairs right now."

"Castiel was here?"

"He came to me in a dream. He said Sam had to die, then I woke up and he did.

What am I gonna to do now?" He covered an open sob with his hand, closing his eyes to fight the intense feelings of loss.

"Let's get out of here for a while. The nurses can clean him up and get him off to the morgue. It'll be easier to take him from there."

Dean didn't argue, stepping over to the bed to take another long look at Sam. His deep sigh reflected his hopelessness. "Please tell me you found something."

"Pamela's waiting for us. She's gonna try and find Sam's spirit."

"And then what?"

"One thing at a time. As long as he hasn't reached his final destination, there's a chance."

Dean nodded, moving toward the door. Bobby stopped him by putting his hand to Dean's shoulder. "Dean, thanks for coming to me this time. I'm glad you didn't go off on your own and try another demon deal."

"I've learned my lesson. Besides, it seems Sammy and I have burned our demon bridges."

"Thank heavens for that." Dean gave him a disbelieving stare. "Pardon the pun."

Dean turned around, stealing one last gaze at his fallen brother. "I'm not giving up on you Sammy. Keep fighting, wherever you are." He took in one more deep breath, and then turned back to join Bobby.

---------------------------------------------------

He was curled up tightly, his consciousness slowly coming to him as the bitter cold surrounding him nipped at all extremities. His shivers were almost total convulsions, so he finally chose to open his eyes to see where he was this time.

Sam saw nothing but black.

Even in places of pitch darkness, he was able to see glimpses, shadows, something. He waved his hand close up to his face, and his vision didn't catch anything. He felt his eyes, they were intact, but his rubbing didn't produce any type of visual reaction. _I'm blind? _Of course, he looked at the bright light. _Was that an angel? _He didn't know of anything else other than God himself that would overwhelm human eyes. Then again, he wasn't exactly in a human state right now, so it could be anything.

His hands shuffled around and found he was on the ground. He felt the rough edges of tall grass and weeds, wet and icy like they would be from an evening frost. That would explain the cold. His heightened sense of smell was bothered by the musty and frigid air, all complicated by the scent of pine. He must either be in a forest, or near one.

Sam fumbled his way up to his feet, waving his arms around him but they only swiped at air. "Hello?" He shouted, only getting a short echo. Trees were nearby. His anxiousness had returned, and it was spiking to new levels as he took cautious steps forward, his long arms stretched in front of him.

The adrenaline was flowing hard otherwise the cold might be getting to him worse. It was near freezing and he didn't have a jacket. His gut instincts told him this was probably one of his tests.

Several more steps forward and he heard the crunching at his feet. He reached down and found leaves combined with pine needles. He was on the edge of trees. He was aware going into a forest was not a wise move for a blind man or any man if it could be avoided. A few steps later, he felt a tree trunk. He turned to his left, feeling trees with his right hand, while his left verified empty space. He walked more, doing what he could to avoid taking the direction of the forest.

After about twenty minutes and no change, he had a theory as to what was happening. He picked up twigs and small branches off the ground and dropped them behind him as he moved forward. After walking for a small while, continuing to drop branches behind him, he felt twigs snap at his feet. A few more steps gave him the same result. He was moving in one big circle, in a small field nestled between the many trees.

"Damn," he said, realizing that any direction would mean wandering in the forest. "Can I get some help here?" He yelled, hoping someone was nearby that could help. His plea went unnoticed. Maybe that was his test, stay behind and freeze or face possible harm wandering blind through the forest. He was always a fighter, so staying behind and waiting for doom wasn't going to happen.

Sam took in a deep breath, exhaled, and moved forward.

------------------------------------------------

"Dean, I'm so sorry." Pamela gave him a big hug, and he surprisingly appreciated her show of support. He had numbed himself on the idea of loss, even convincing himself on the drive over that this was a temporary setback, but after all he'd been through, a hug felt good.

"Thanks," Dean said pulling away before he got teary. "Please tell me you got something."

"I've got a trick or two. Where's Bobby?"

"He'll be here soon. He had to stop for gas. When can we get started?"

"You just got here after a long drive. Take some time, relax a bit."

"All due respect, I'm rather anxious to get going."

Pamela nodded, the lines of her worried face almost obscured by her dark glasses. "Okay, I'm planning on a summoning ritual. Where's Sam's body?"

Dean frowned, not liking the sound of that word. "In the back seat."

"Bring him inside and place him on the long table. I'll get everything setup."

"You sure you don't need help?"

Pamela smiled, appreciating Dean's concern. "I can find what I need easily. Just worry about your part."

Dean stepped off the porch, his stomach turning at the site of the blanket covered stiff mass in the back. He spent most of the trip glancing at it in the rear view mirror, convincing himself that it wasn't Sammy. It was just another stiff they lifted from the morgue. It wasn't until now that he had to face that fantasy wasn't true. His deep thought was interrupted by the roar of Bobby's Chevelle pulling up.

"Need some help?" Bobby asked, getting out of the car and walking over.

"Yeah, thanks."

Bobby opened the right passenger door and grasped onto the back of Sam's shoulders, while Dean reached for his legs. As they jostled around the corpse, Sam's hand flopped out of the blanket and dangled toward the floor of the Impala. Dean froze in horror, seeing the thin black band on Sam's pale cold wrist. The reality of what they were doing hit him.

"You need a minute?" Bobby asked, noticing Dean's troubled look.

Dean shook it off. "No, I'm good. Let's get him inside."

By the time they got inside, Pamela already had the table partially setup. There was a large black cloth with a variety of symbols printed on it. Dean recognized a few of them, knowing they were symbols for the dead for several cultures. As he rolled Sam off his shoulder down onto the table, he noticed the eye of God staring right at him. He shook off his spooky feeling as he positioned Sam straight on the table.

"Bobby, can put that wormwood on the left corner of the table?" Pamela asked. Bobby reached behind him and grabbed the bowl while she placed the votives all around the table. "Allow me," Bobby said, pulling out his lighter, igniting the wicks and the wormwood in the bowl. As Bobby did that, Pamela laid out the sacred stones. When she was done, she frowned, as if something wasn't right. Finally it dawned on her, and she dug in the nearby chest for the missing item. It was a large pillar candle, and she placed it at the top of Sam's head.

"Dominus illuminatio mea." She struck the match that was in her hand, and lit the candle.

"Dean, I need you to take his hand," Pamela instructed. "This ritual requires a blood relative to form the connection."

Dean nodded and looked at Sam with apprehension before taking his hand. It was cold and clammy, and unnerving.

Pamela took off her glasses, placed her hands on the corners of the table, closed her eyes and began her channeling. "Come to me Samuel. Cross the great divide, move among us."

There was a long silent pause with no result, so she deepened her concentration and tried again. "Come to me Samuel. Cross the great divide, move among us," she said in a more commanding voice.

Dean watched with intense hope as her face wrangled while trying to get through. He saw her right hand move from the edge of the table to Sam's forehead.

"Where are you Sam?"

-------------------

Sam remembered when he was nine getting lost in the forest during a hunt when separated from his dad and Dean. He wandered around in the thick brush, constantly getting stabbed and poked by branches and thorns, looking hopelessly for a path or refuge. He'd never been more scared in his life, and rescue didn't come until hours later when Dean found him. By that time, he was a crying mess.

Back then was he could see where he was going.

Sam tried not to let the panic overwhelm him, but each sharp poke and scrape as he moved deeper into the trees contributed to the rising anxiety within. He would often trip on roots or a snarled group of brush, forcing him to step slower, dragging out the ordeal much longer than he had hoped. Remaining calm became a struggle, as if each tree was also pelting him with fear.

Another sharp jab hit him in the thigh this time, and he felt the object sink into his flesh. His hand fumbled downward and found the impaling wooden stick. He yanked it out, prompting an agonized yell in the process. Sam grasped forward and the first a large tree trunk he found, he sunk down in exhaustion to the base. He was short on breath, shaking uncontrollably from the cold. His hours of effort only resulted in turmoil and he had no idea if it was morning or night. He couldn't take much more of this.

Suddenly, he heard the voice calling out to him. "Pamela?"

His already short breaths quickened, for it was the hope he needed. He listened harder and heard it again. It was her. "Please help me," he replied.

---------------------

A gust of wind blew through the house, and the candles flared. "I feel his presence," Pamela said shouting over the noise, maintaining her connection. "Where are you Sam?!"

After another big swirl both Dean and Pamela gasped when they were flung backward from the table onto the ground. The candles flamed out and everything in the room settled down. Dean got up, shaking his stinging hand while Bobby helped Pamela up.

"What was that?" Dean asked, knowing whatever knocked him back wasn't good.

"The place where Sam is. He sees no light. Only darkness."

"Where is he?"

A sad expression fell on Pam's face. "Hamistagan."

Bobby's face fell as well. "Oh crap."

"Wait, wait. I don't get it. What is Hamistagan?"

"It's like purgatory, a place of waiting," Bobby explained. "Stories vary, but it's a place where souls that did an equal amount of good and evil go to wait. There the soul doesn't get purification or punishment. It remains in states of either bliss or torment, waiting for final judgment."

"At least it's not Hell," Dean said, somewhat relieved over that idea.

"It's worse Dean," Pamela said. "He's stuck. Anything he does there is a no win situation. I felt him. He's alone, frightened, and facing a terrible ordeal. We need to find a way to guide his spirit out."

"Out? Out to where?" Dean's unease was now rising to full fledged panic.

"Heaven or Hell."

"Do we get to pick?"

"No. That's up to something way more powerful than us. It could go either way."

Dean immediately realized he was in his own catch 22. "You mean whatever we do could end up moving Sam out of the frying pan into the fire? I'm not liking this plan."

"With the right set of crystals and sacred stones, his soul can be guided forward."

"He could end up in Hell. I don't want to risk that."

"He's suffering right now Dean. He asked me for help."

Dean's eyes widened. "He did?"

She nodded.

Dean sighed, rubbing his weary eyes. He didn't have much choice. "Fine, let's do it."

Pam's expression changed to sorrow, as did Bobby's.

"What is it now?" Dean asked with alarm. "I thought you said you could help him?"

"These crystals and stones can only work at Sam's final resting place," Pamela explained. "You're going to have to bury him Dean."


	5. Chapter 5

**a/n: Uh, sorry about killing Sam! It's all part of my evil scheme though, so bear with me. Speaking of being evil, I spare no angst and despair in this one. Thanks everyone for all your interest, and happy reading! **

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That was too much for him to hear. A thrown back Dean sank into a nearby chair, the message hitting him like a sledgehammer. "Bury him? Final resting place? I'm sorry, but I was still hanging onto the hope of you guiding his spirit back into his body once he got out of this mess."

Bobby touched Pamela's shoulder, letting her know he had this one. "Dean, you're the prime example that nothing's final, but you have to admit, we don't have much choice."

"What do you expect me to say Bobby? Let's do it? You know I'm not all that good at letting go."

Bobby's heartbroken look let him know he understood. "You are saving him Dean, just like you always do."

A number of things ran through Dean's mind, so fast that it clouded his thinking. "Let me get this straight. If he gets out of this, you think he'll end up in either Heaven or Hell?"

"Those are the most likely places," Pamela responded. "It's always possible he'll end up in another form of purgatory. It's not like I have all the answers."

Dean already knew what happened to souls in Hell. "You heard of any souls escaping Heaven?"

Bobby and Pamela pondered the question. "No, I haven't." Bobby answered. Pamela shook her head as well.

Despite the logic, it still didn't sit right with Dean. He always trusted his instincts, and there were too many things that could go wrong. "If there's one thing I learned from being dead, it's that anything is possible. I also know that if Sam ends up in Hell while drifting, he'll get torture 800 times worse than a soul condemned there. Add on the fact he's sent many demons back there, and he'll be on the permanent four corners rotation. They'll never let him go."

"We don't know how it'll be for Sam if he ends up there." Bobby said. "All I know is souls were not meant to linger."

Pamela came over, sunk to her knees and took Dean's hands. "Dean, he's stuck in a terrible place and needs us. Where he is now is no better than Hell. I think this is one of those times where you're just going to have to trust your brother's control of his own destiny. Whatever happens next is up to him."

Dean looked at Pamela, a little weirded out over a blind woman seeing right through him. "Any chance these crystals can guide him away from Hell?"

"With the right combination, they're meant to help a spirit find its true path. They will help him see. Whether he follows their guidance is up to him."

Dean sighed. "Cas did say that Sam must find his own path to salvation. I gotta give him that chance."

Pamela smiled at his acceptance of this difficult task. "The crystals and stones have a power to help the spirit by releasing the bad things they're clinging onto and to prevent outside influences from affecting balance and negativity. They're meant to harmonize and align energies."

"That sounds all good."

"There's a downside Dean. The power could go the other way. Instead of dissolving negative energy, it could strengthen it. It's all going to depend on Sam's center."

"You said Sam was alone and frightened. It doesn't sound like his center is in a good place."

"I wasn't talking about his current feelings. I was talking about his demonic abilities."

Dean's eyes widened. "How did you know about that?"

"I knew it the second I met him. His aura is unlike any I've ever read. A good heart with evil running through his blood."

Dean's face fell into his hand. His confusion was now ten fold, and his emotional stability was unraveling.

"Let's give him some time," Bobby said to Pamela. He helped her up and guided her into the other room.

Dean remained lost in his swirling thoughts, barely noticing he'd been left alone. For Sam's sake, he had to decide quickly. "How am I supposed to let you go Sammy?" Dean's heartache confirmed he knew the answer to that question.

"The same way you had to let me go. I'll tell ya, it really sucks." Sam's stiff and colorless frame on the table wasn't much different from that bedroom in Cold Oak. He wasn't at peace then. He needed to be a peace now. "Please Sam, just make sure you do what's best for yourself. Don't give in to any of that dark side bull crap, especially for my sake. I'll be fine, and I need you to be fine too."

He exhaled with despair, letting the tears fall freely. "You just better work your way to Heaven, for I need some better connections there. These angels are driving me nuts." His cracking voice on the last few words released the flood inside. He sat alone for a few more minutes, consumed with sobs, still not having enough courage to go on with his required task.

"Dean?" He heard Bobby's voice, and pulled himself together with one deep breath and his hand wiping his eyes. Sam needed his big brother one more time. He raised himself up. "Yeah, I'm ready. You got a place to do this?"

"There's a quiet spot a half mile from there. A forgotten soldier cemetery."

Dean scooped up his brother's body. "It's time for this soldier to rest."

--------------

Dean threw the last bit of dirt onto the grave, while he and Bobby patted the loose dirt with the back of the shovel. Dean remained surprisingly calm, too drained and numb to feel his loss. His gaze wandered up at the two large branches bound together by twine at the head of the grave, forming the cross for a God that had forsaken him. He was sure the real pain of this moment would come later, somewhere in an empty motel room or on a long drive without his passenger.

Pamela and Bobby had joined his side in silent vigil. "Is there any sort of sign we should wait for?" Dean asked.

"No," Pamela answered. "We need to go back to my place, and I'll start listening to the spirits. Hopefully we'll hear something. His grave must stay at peace."

Dean turned around, for he'd had enough. "Okay, let's get going."

The three left silently, taking the walk through the night in between the markers of others long since fallen, souls that themselves faced a tragic end to a short life. Dean wished that every one went as heroically.

The cemetery remained eerily still, undisturbed by the commotion of new footprints walking away or the fresh site resting in the far corner by the woods. Undisturbed that is until a quick blaze of light appeared along with a gust of wind and the sound of wings flapping.

A new set of feet, ones with fine leather shoes underneath the layer of dirt and mud, appeared at the edge of the gravesite. The man knelt down, placing a splayed hand over the freshly turned earth.

Castiel closed his eyes, taking time for silent meditation before speaking. "But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved." His tortured eyes fixed on the grave site, the symbol of the cross strengthening his belief that this act was just. "Forgive us Sam. Your sacrifice is part of a greater plan. There is honor in your death."

"What are you doing here?" Dean stepped out of the shadows, angered to find Sam's unexpected visitor.

"I've come to offer my blessings."

"Your blessings? A little too late, don't you think?" Dean moved forward a few more steps, the moonlight now fully illuminating his irate face.

"Dean, the dead must be honored, more so than the living. His soul needs guidance."

"His soul wouldn't be so lost if your God had let him live. Why don't you tell the man upstairs that Sam doesn't need any favors. I don't either."

Castiel remained patient. He strangely understood Dean's anger, probably because in the time that he's gotten to know him he's learned to expect candor. At first those reactions puzzled him, now he finds them refreshing. "Dean, I know this is hard to understand in moments of grief, but there is a greater plan at work."

"This is the greater plan? What did Sam do to deserve any of this?"

"The best way to honor your brother's memory is to carry on your mission, to do the work you were meant to do."

"You honestly think I'm going to do anything for you or your boss after this? I'm not sure I even want to hunt anymore. I should honor my brother's memory by having that home and normal life that we've never had."

"Dean, you must have faith. You will see the purpose."

"Haven't you ever experienced loss? Don't you know what its like to lose the most important thing in your life? This isn't just something I can shake off and move on from. If you really want to help me, then bring Sam back. Otherwise, leave me alone and let me mourn like a normal human being."

Castiel sadly nodded, stepping away before turning back for final words. "God's plan of salvation has always involved sacrifice. He even sacrificed his only son for us. Sam's death will not be in vain."

Before Dean could answer, he felt the breeze hit his face along with the sound of flapping wings. He stood in the dark cemetery alone, feeling swallowed whole by the area surrounding him.

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Sam snapped awake, catching himself drifting off. He wondered why he was still fighting, for there wasn't a way out of this anymore. Pamela's voice had long since disappeared, and the cold had worked its way so deep into his joints he couldn't move. Any fight within him was gone, and he couldn't help but think how much he failed this test.

Darkness wasn't only affecting his eyes though, for the anger welling up inside was blackening his heart and spirit as well. Any reaction of fear impacted him tenfold in this place. He didn't deserve this. He did nothing wrong. "Why are you doing this?!" he weakly shouted, not at all surprised by no answer to his question. Just as with the Trickster's long lesson, the reasoning behind this one wasn't obvious to him.

"I give up, okay?" His eyes fluttered closed, and he felt his consciousness slipping until a ray of light appeared through the small slits of his mostly closed eyes. Light that was blinding at first given his long time in darkness. He shielded his eyes with his hands, slowly letting them adjust to the soft illumination coming from the distance. He forced his aching body up, slowly focusing on what had appeared.

"Hello?" he asked, as his voice was sucked into the illuminated area. Something was there, and he had nothing to lose but to find out what. He took slow steps forward, noticing the rough brush that had been hindering him was clear and an open path lay in front of him. He was filled with both elation and terror, wondering if this was truly a rescue or another cruel joke. He was about to find out. He took in a deep breath, and followed the path.

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Ruby dropped to the ground, her knees sinking into the unsettled dirt of gravesite below. She hardened herself, for these strange feelings she had lately over Sam's death were too unsettling. She had a task to do and such human feelings couldn't get in the way. Besides, she was doing this for Sam. He wasn't doing any good rotting in the ground and being stuck in some neutral universe. His skills were needed.

She rolled out the scroll of virgin paper where the pentacle was drawn in black. She noticed the breath from her human host fogging in the crisp night air. It was mystifying to her, symbolizing the thin line between this world and the spiritual one. "Constitue super eum peccatorem et diabulus stet a dextris eius."

She lit the three candles forming a triangle around the pentagram. "I conjure thee, O creature of fire, by him who remove the Earth, and make it tremble, that thou burn and capture this spirit, so that he may feel it intensely, and that he may be burned eternally by thee."

She pulled out a copper bowl from her bag, the outside of the bowl imprinted with letters from the Hebrew alphabet. She took a long gaze at the grave, shook off her apprehension and picked up the paper. She crumpled it and placed in inside the bowl, then sprinkled powder over the contents. She closed her eyes and performed the silent part of the ritual, calling names of powerful beings with her thoughts.

"By these secret names, and by these signs which are full of mysteries, in virtue of the power of the three principles, I deprive you of office and dignity which you may have enjoyed up till now; and by virtue and power relegate you unto a lake of sulphur and of flame, and unto the deepest depths of the abyss, that you may burn therein eternally for ever."

She opened her eyes, lit the match and dropped it into the bowl. A large flame jumped and burned the paper quickly into ashes, before going out.

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Sam went from slow and cautious steps to normal ones, for he'd figured out that whatever was guiding him wanted him to follow this path. He wasn't sure where it would end, but it was delivering him from his ordeal and he was willing to take his chances.

His mind couldn't avoid questioning the source of the light though. He hoped he'd get his answers as he moved farther ahead, wondering in the back of his mind if the path led to his final judgment. That thought made his nervous but whatever the outcome, he was more than ready. The longer he stayed in limbo the more vivid his experiences from last time became. He wasn't willing to go through that again, and wasn't counting on Dean getting him out this time.

Off into the distance appeared a dark shadow in the sea of white. It grew larger the closer he got and the image became more defined. It was a person at first, then as he got nearer it was a woman. He didn't call out, for he wanted to see who it was, if she was friend or foe. A few more steps later, he had his answer.

"Ruby?" He sighed in relief, for seeing a friendly face felt nice. "How …how are you here?"

Ruby had no reaction, holding a firm stance.

He knew something was wrong. "What is it Ruby?"

"I'm sorry Sam," she said. She turned to her right, where three intertwined streams of black smoke were charging in fast. Sam gasped and then looked at Ruby with confusion.

Before he could say or do anything else, he felt his body rise in the air as the smoke swept him away. "Ruby help," he said, but it was too late. The last thing Sam saw was Ruby's unchanged expression moving farther away at a fast pace before he blacked out.

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"What did you do?" Dean shouted while running from the distance, his quick shove snapping her out of her trance.

Ruby propped herself up from the ground, reeling from Dean's impact, and didn't say a word.

Bobby knelt down and picked up the bowl, examining the inside and outside. He froze in panic after reading the lettering. "Oh no. Which pentacle was it?"

Ruby didn't answer.

Dean smacked her across the face, forcing her body back down. "Answer him!"

"The sixth pentacle of Saturn."

Bobby rubbed a few burnt ashes from the bowl in between his fingers, in shock over what she admitted. "You've already delivered him, haven't you?"

Ruby's guilty look was just as good as a yes.

"What does that mean?" A fearful Dean shouted. When Bobby was bothered, it was bad.

"Straight out of _The Greater Key of Solomon_. She took control of his soul and handed him over to other demons. Higher level nasty ones judging by the bowl markings and pentacle. Plus she used virgin paper, which makes the spell stick."

"She what?" Dean held back any instinct to beat the crap out of her, for he needed more answers. "Why Ruby?"

"It's his only chance."

"Chance? For what?"

"To lead."

Bobby kicked the dirt in front of her in frustration, ready to push her around himself.

"So what's happened to Sam?" Dean asked Bobby, his heart racing over his extreme reaction.

"She just stamped Sam's one way ticket to Hell."

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**a/n: I know, I'm evil. Merry Christmas!**


	6. Chapter 6

**a/n: My deepest apologies for leaving all of you with that cliffie for so long. I had good intentions of updating much sooner, but alas, the rush of the holidays hampered those intentions. The good news is I managed to write a lot and have plenty of good material written already for the next chapter. The next update will be in terms of days, not weeks. This was a very complex chapter to write, and it took me a while to get all the detail down. **

**I hope this has been a great holiday season for everyone, and hopefully you'll consider this your New Year's present. Happy New Year!**

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He could never get used to waking up in pain. As often as it happened in his young life, the twinges felt especially intimidating and unsettling this time. Being suspended in air by chains and shackles firmly attached to his limbs, stretching him in all sorts of uncomfortable ways, he couldn't avoid letting fear get to him.

He tried to call out, but his throat was too parched. He could barely muster a cough, not that speaking mattered. He knew where he was. No wonder Dean wouldn't talk about this place. It was too horrific for words. The sharp smell of sulfur stung his nostrils, the intense heat sucked the will out of him, and the overlapping wails of other souls crying out in agony unnerved him. It should be daunting to any new arrival condemned to this place.

Amid all the distractions, eventually Sam concluded something wasn't right. He was separated from the others, in his own private chamber. Judging by the noises, the others were all together in one place. He remembered Dean mentioning when he first arrived, he was in an endless open space of cables, chains and hooks. Sam looked up to see his chains anchored to the stone ceiling above and the walls to each side of him. A foot behind him was another stone wall. He gave a tug, but found his arms and legs didn't move a millimeter. He was secured tight.

One thing that had disappeared was the pain in the back of his head. Ever since he arrived in the afterlife, his headaches varied from a dull ache to brain exploding intensity. He had none of that here. He suspected his wound had healed, but couldn't verify considering his situation.

The time gave him a chance to put all the pieces together. Did Ruby do this? Why would she do it? Was this part of her plan, playing him this entire time, setting him up for his ultimate delivery to Hell? Something wasn't right about her actions. He tried giving up his soul numerous times for Dean. Hell didn't want him. Why would they take him now? What changed?

As many demons as he sent back to Hell, he'd thought they'd be anxious to get their hooks into him. They must be waiting for a reason. Sam tried to drown out the numerous sounds, but it was difficult. He knew it would be his turn soon, and resolved he wouldn't give them the satisfaction. He would take whatever they dished out and refused to break. "Bring it on!"

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Dean couldn't hold back his fury any longer. He struck Ruby with a back hand fist, then dropped to his knees and pounded her some hooks with both fists. She retaliated with a head butt to get him off her, and then pushed him away with a knee to the gut.

Dean clutched his middle and walked off the pain from his blow to the stomach. "You bitch!" He shouted. "I'm gonna send you there with him. Give him a chance to kick your ass as well."

"I did it for his own good."

Dean was incredulous. "What did he ever do to you? He always defended you, and now you're saying he deserves this?"

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Then enlighten me you skank."

"Face it Dean. His blood makes him part demon, and one with great power. He can rule in Hell. Hamistagan wasn't doing him any favors, and Heaven won't take him."

"You didn't give it a chance to happen!"

"He was already in Heaven and they cast him out. If you don't believe me, ask your heavenly BFF. This gives Sam a chance to finally control his destiny."

Dean clenched his teeth and tightened his fists, using everything he had to control his temper. "He has no destiny in Hell."

Ruby scoffed, rolling her eyes over Dean's ignorance. "You were there Dean. Don't you remember how they reminded you everyday? How Azazel's demise never changed the plan, only delayed it?"

"Sam will never go for that. He'll resist."

"He can try, but everyone has their breaking point Dean. You of all people should know that."

Dean lost his control over his anger and his fist connected with her jaw. After reeling from the pain, she swung back, delivering her own hit in retaliation. The two exchanged furious blow after blow until Dean knocked her to the ground, pulled her knife from her belt and raised it to her throat. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use this on you now!"

"Because I need to get to Sam and help him."

"Then bring him back!"

"I can't do that. The spell is binding."

Dean's rage took over again and he wanted to end her now, make sure she was never a problem in his life again. He didn't want any part of her help. He pushed the sharp blade deeper into her neck, making a thin slice along the fold, and watched the area around the knife spark. Suddenly he felt someone grab him from behind, pulling him away from Ruby and knocking the knife out of his hand.

"Dammit Bobby, what are you doing?"

"You aren't thinking straight."

"I'm not thinking straight? I was there Bobby. He can't escape Hell."

"No Dean, you couldn't escape Hell. If Sam is as powerful as she says, he has a shot. Your daddy got out, and you've got to admit, Sam has other advantages you didn't have."

"It's Hell Bobby! That's not good!"

"Yeah, I heard."

Dean huffed for several seconds, watching Bobby's unwavering composure. That was always his sign to gain some control. "So what do we do?"

"Send me back to Hell," Ruby said raising herself up, feeling the trickle of warm blood from her neck with her hand. Dean had no problem with that part of the plan, and started right away with his Latin.

"Wait," Bobby said, "I'm not sure that's the best idea. How do we know you will be able to get near Sam, let alone help him? How are you going to get back to us?"

"You can finish the spell I started. That'll bind me to his soul."

"No way," Dean protested. "How do we know this isn't a trick, and if we do that you won't turn Sam into your demon general robot?"

Ruby folded her arms. "You're just gonna have to trust me."

Dean's exasperated response showed how much he didn't like that answer. "I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that, considering there's nothing more ridiculous. You've only ever wanted one thing and that's to use Sam's power to become Queen Bitch of Hell. The demons never wanted his soul. They needed him up here while you wrapped him up in some strange security blanket of saving people while I was gone. Now you've yanked it away and Sam's exposed to the worst possible terror he could face."

"You don't get it, do you?" Ruby yelled back. "They don't want him in Hell. They never did. He's too much of a threat. That spell forced him there. He's probably hung up in some chamber right now where no one will touch him. They're afraid to. Once he's unleashed down there he can't be stopped. I'm the only one that can free him."

"So what happens then? You free him and together you rule all of Hell? Does any of this get him back?"

"No."

"Then I want no part of it." Dean turned away, still wishing that smacking her around some more would help.

Ruby frowned and pulled out the book from her bag. With long slow steps she strolled over to Bobby, first picking up the knife and then holding the book out toward him. "Please Bobby, you know it's the right thing to do."

He gazed at the book in front of him, his attention fixed on the worn leather of the binding while considering the dilemma. He knew she made sense, but at the same time, he understood Dean's reservations.

"Please!" She shouted, pushing the book farther toward his chest.

Bobby silently nodded and took it from her. He knew _The Greater Key of Solomon_ well enough where she didn't have to tell him what page. He turned the pages, the feel of aged parchment comfortable to his fingertips.

Dean turned around, surprised over what he saw. "Bobby please, don't do this."

Bobby gave him an apologetic look, and turned a few more pages until he found what he needed. He looked up at Ruby, who with a nod indicated she was ready.

"Constitue super eum peccatorem et diabulus stet a dextris eius…"

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Now Sam knew what Dean meant by time being different in Hell. He still hung there, his joints and muscles now throbbing, with not a visitor coming close for what seemed like years. He honestly didn't know how long he'd been there, but his patience was wearing thin.

"Just get on with it already!" His gravely voice shouted, although he couldn't drown out the screams of the others. He struggled against the shackles, but again there wasn't even the slightest movement. He yelled in frustration, his earlier despair now transitioning to anger. He closed his eyes, seething, feeling everything build up inside, like a powder keg ready to go off. He had to control it, for losing control was exactly what they wanted.

Sam wondered how long the mind games would continue. Psychological torture was just as bad as physical, and he guessed they were pushing his limits, eager to see how long it would take him to crack. His isolation and immobility was proving to be maddening, but he had to be strong.

Sam wished he could sleep, wished he could tune out this nightmare, but something about this place made him more lucid than ever. He questioned whether this was truly his eternity, to be bound and ignored, rather than Dean's fate of pain and suffering. This felt worse. He needed his brother now more than ever, but that hope wasn't realistic. Hell had a way of dashing hope.

He was so lost in thought he didn't see the figure emerging from the shadows in a ghostly fade. Once he did, he wasn't sure whether to be relieved or disgusted.

"What do you want?" He asked with bitterness.

Ruby stepped forward with a smile. "Are you glad to see me?"

Sam jeered at her, letting her know he wasn't.

She held out her forearm, now sporting a new tattoo. "The sixth pentacle of Saturn. We get to spend eternity together."

"What dark deal did you have to make to get that to happen?"

"I thought you knew _The Greater Key of Solomon_."

Sam's expression switched from defiant to angry. "So that's why I'm here? Why did you do this?"

Before Ruby could answer, two other figures appeared from nowhere. One of them grabbed Ruby from behind. He tried to drag her away, but once they got to the edge of the cavern no matter how hard he pulled she couldn't be moved. The other man grabbed her arm and examined the tattoo. He twisted her arm hard and threw it down in disgust while she winced in pain.

"Fine, you can stay here and rot with him. He's never getting out of this."

The other man grabbed her wrists, restraining her. "We can hang her up right next to him."

His partner smiled in agreement, and went for a set of chains and shackles resting near the wall. "My pleasure."

As he approached her, Ruby suddenly yanked away her arm and pulled out her knife from her belt. She delivered a swift kick to the midsection of the chain wielding demon, knocking him backward and cuffing the other guy with a palm to the chin. She lunged toward Sam, and in one clean swipe sliced through Sam's right wrist, sparking a loud cry out in pain. She did the same with Sam's left one, before a set of chains wrapped around her neck from behind.

"I love punishing bad girls," the man said while he pulled the chain tighter. Ruby choked and held onto the chain with both hands trying to loosen them, but had no luck. She watched from the corner of her eye Sam writhing in agony.

Sam gritted his teeth, groaning over the stinging in his wrists, and looked up his right arm to see the blood trickle down. His discomfort turned to shock when his blood dripped on the shackle and it smoked, dissolving a thin crack right through it. He turned to the left and watched the same thing happen.

The two men were too focused on Ruby to see what was happening with Sam. The second man picked up the knife Ruby dropped on the ground and grinned. As Ruby struggled against the chain tightening around her neck, the man threw his arm backward and propelled the blade forward. Before he could strike, he froze and started choking, dropping the knife. Within seconds he disappeared in a puff of black smoke, leaving behind small trails that slowly evaporated in the air.

"No!" The other man shouted before he did a vanishing act as well.

Ruby felt the chain slip off her and leaned over, struggling to regain her breath. Her eyes moved upward toward Sam, watching him lower his blood covered arm. He fell back against the wall, catching his breath as well, before reaching down and rubbing his bloody wrist on each leg shackle. A small smile of wonder came to him as they smoked and cracked, freeing him completely.

Sam dropped to the ground, the light impact on his aching joints delivering a jolting strike. He paused for a few seconds while the throbbing passed, and then went over to Ruby.

"What mess did you get us into this time?"

"You're welcome," she said.

"So that's why no one would slice me or come near me," a still stunned Sam said. "I don't get it. Why would they bring me here if I'm a danger to them?"

"You weren't brought here voluntarily. That spell forced them to deliver you here. Trust me, no one wanted you in Hell."

Sam was still skeptical over her story. "If this is really Hell, how did you get back?"

"I had Bobby exorcise me."

Sam's heart sank. "Why?"

"So I could help you of course."

"No, why Bobby? Has something happened to Dean?"

"Don't worry, Dean's fine. He didn't want to do it."

Sam still didn't understand what she was up to, and grunted in frustration over what he heard. "There was probably good reason for that."

"Stop worrying about Dean. You're in a bigger predicament. Look at the power you have. Your abilities are ten times more intense in Hell than anywhere else. You can be a God here."

Sam got mad. "What makes you think I would want that! You of all people know how I've never wanted to go down that road."

Ruby sighed, for he wasn't understanding. "Things have changed Sam. You're dead, remember? Heaven won't take you. Your choices are this, where you have control, or back in Hamistagan where nothing you do will change anything and you'll constantly suffer. Like it or not, this is the best choice you've got."

Sam's head dropped, for once again Ruby made sense. Somehow she always had been his voice of reason, even when most of the time he hated what she said. "Why did you come back to Hell? What could you possibly gain by helping me here?"

She came closer and took his hand, feeling Sam stiffen at her touch. "You know I've always wanted to see you succeed."

Sam briskly jerked his hand away. "Unbelievable."

"Fine," she said. "Go ahead, go out there and figure it out on your own. You won't last two minutes."

"I seemed to do pretty well here."

"Against two low level slack jawed yokels. Taking on Hell's elite is quite a different story."

Sam looked around for some cloth, and Ruby pulled out a bandana from her pocket. He held out his wrists, and she applied pressure to the bleeding wounds. "Okay, so what do you have in mind?" Sam asked, enjoying the relief. "How can I make a difference here?"

"You've always wanted to use your abilities for good. There's no better place to do that. This is your chance to make sure no demon will ever cause suffering up there again."

Sam realized he had nothing to lose by listening to what she had to say. "Okay, start talking. What do I need to do?"

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Dean gripped the steering wheel, eyes fixed forward on the road ahead. His stiff jaw added to the silent message that he wasn't in the mood to talk.

Bobby looked at Dean's cold stillness and had enough. "You gonna give me the silent treatment forever?"

"Maybe."

"Dean-"

"How could you do it Bobby? You know now she's manipulating him in Hell. She'll have him following the demon army breadcrumb trail all the way to doomsday."

"You don't know that. She could be helping him down there, giving him the backup he needs. That's what we're hoping Pamela will find out."

"Sam's not the only one buying that bitch's story. Now she's got you snowed too. How does she do it?"

Bobby sighed and looked out the passenger window, knowing that trying to talk to Dean when he was this raw emotionally was never a good idea. Lucky for him, they didn't go much farther until Dean pulled into Pamela's driveway. They both got out with Dean taking the lead, Bobby keeping a safe distance just in case Dean decided to whip around and take a swing at him.

They went inside to see Pamela at a table setting aside a Ouija board. Her expression was one of frustration. Dean's face fell, for he didn't want any more bad news. His was ready to throw his fist into a wall as it was.

"I was hoping that the trail was still warm," Pamela said, "for either Sam or Ruby. However, they've both disappeared without a trace. Wherever they are, it's deep and isolated."

"So what do we have to do to find them?" Dean asked.

Pamela sighed, sensing that Bobby already understood. "We can't Dean. They're gone."

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**a/n: Confused or excited? Happy with what you've read so far? Do I still have your interest?**


	7. Chapter 7

**a/n: See I told everyone I'd have an update in a few days. I'm rather proud of myself for managing that one! I really think you'll like this chapter. If this doesn't grab your interest, then I'm not sure what will. It's a Dean heavy chapter. Enjoy!**

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**Three Months Later**

No matter what he tried, the damned thing wouldn't budge. Dean struggled against the rusted nut, putting in as much muscle as he could, clamping the wrench on as tight as it would go before pulling again. He cursed when his effort caused the wrench to slip, stinging his hand without any movement of the nut. In frustration he banged on it, hoping it would at least break off. No such luck, but he felt better.

He decided now would be a good time for a break, for it was hot and he'd been working for a while. A cold drink of water would hit the spot. He slid out from underneath the aged Chevy, remembering he had to pick up something a few towns over since Bobby was out of town. He spotted the folds of blue dress pants several feet in front of him, and the bottom edge of the trench coat.

"Crap," he said sitting himself up on the rolling cart. "I thought I'd never have to see you again."

"You look well Dean."

"Yeah, well looks can be deceiving."

Castiel continued to stare with solemn disposition, uncertain what to say next.

"Why don't you just tell me why you're here, Cas?"

"I think you know why."

"No, I don't."

"It's been unusually quiet lately. Too quiet."

"I wouldn't know. I don't hunt anymore."

Castiel stepped forward and reached out his hand. Dean stared at it for a few seconds, then reluctantly accepted as Castiel helped him to his feet.

"Bobby talks to you, so you know something's up," Castiel said.

Dean turned and walked toward the house while Castiel followed beside him. "I haven't been listening," Dean replied. "I'm not the least bit curious. Since I gave it all up, I've never felt better. I personally don't care if the world ends."

"A seal hasn't been broken in months, and there's no sign of any demon possessions either."

"That sounds like good news to me. Can't you angels enjoy anything?"

"It's not good news Dean. Something big is in the works."

Dean shrugged, still not interested. He opened the screen door and went inside, while Castiel followed behind.

"We think whatever's happening, it involves Sam," Castiel continued.

Dean didn't let the mention of his brother's name bother him. He knew full well strange stuff started happening around the same time Sam was delivered downstairs. "So he's bringing peace and order to Hell. What's the problem?"

"His intentions are good, but his actions are dangerous. It's causing serious problems, and now an uprising is imminent."

Dean opened the refrigerator door, looking for a bottle of water. "So stop him. You've got the power to do that."

"No, I can't touch him. He's protected and well hidden."

"Sounds like you're out of luck then." Dean found what he was looking for and twisted off the cap, ingesting a long refreshing gulp.

"You're needed Dean. We need you to find him."

Dean slammed the refrigerator door shut. "How do you expect me to do that? Also, what part of 'I don't hunt anymore' did you miss?"

Castiel's expression grew sterner. "You've been to perdition, and you know your brother. Only you have the power to do this."

"And what am I supposed to do once I find Sam? He's condemned to Hell. Stopping him only makes things worse for him down there. No thank you."

"This isn't a friendly request Dean."

Dean's anger quickly spiked and he moved in close, staring Castiel down. "Try me! You've already done the sending me back to Hell threat, and at this point I wouldn't mind the family reunion. Besides, I'm not exactly getting confidence in that less than merciful God of yours. Notice I said yours, not mine. Whatever he picked me for, I'm passing. I'm calling it my free will."

Castiel didn't flinch. "We won't stop hunting Sam and he's already a hot target down there. This is your chance to protect him."

"Why don't you find him? I'm not doing your dirty work for you." Dean turned in the opposite direction and tried to walk away, but Castiel quickly zoomed in front of him.

"There's more at stake here than your own feelings."

Dean rolled his eyes and sighed, for he wasn't impressed with the pushy angel. "You don't need me. You just want to control me. Instead of throwing your threats around, why don't you make it worth my while?"

Castiel tilted his head, looking at Dean inquisitively, curious over the request. "What did you have in mind?"

"If I find Sam and stop this, you yank him out of the pit just like you did me."

"I cannot do that unless God commands it."

"Then you deliver the almighty the message that Dean Winchester wants to deal."

"Wasn't your own life being spared enough for you to be indebted to him?"

Dean's angry eyes and clenched jaw proved he wasn't. "Without Sam, I have no life. All that I've gotten brought back to is an empty pit inside. I'd rather be rotting in Hell. It's the same feeling."

Castiel's ethereal gaze and disquiet blue eyes let Dean know he understood. "I will deliver the message."

"You'll let me know what's decided?"

"Believe me, you'll know when something's decided."

A chilled Dean saw Castiel vanish.

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"You're nuts for trying this. You know someone's watching all the time."

She raised her eyebrows over his cowardice. "I think his so called legion is just running a campaign of fear. It's all a fairy tale. This is the first chance we've had in 100 years. We can finally get away from this hotbox." She climbed up the wall and ran her hand along the surface, hoping to find the rumored opening.

"We don't have much time," her male companion said.

"I know it's here somewhere." She smiled when she saw her hand disappear into the rock. "I found it!"

"Going somewhere?" A woman's voice said from the other side.

She turned to the intruder and scowled. "Of course, Ruby. I heard some whore was enforcing for the new guy. I should have known it was you."

"Oh that's going to earn you favor."

"Go ahead, stop me." She pushed her entire arm through the opening, but the rock turned solid, encasing it in the wall. She screamed and her panicked eyes turned back to Ruby, but instead she saw a tall man with his arm reached out, not at all pleased by her actions.

Sam looked at her companion with disfavor, and he gasped and ran away. He moved closer to the stuck demon, who struggled, not ready to back down.

"Let me go!" She yelled.

"I don't think so," Sam said.

"I was there with your brother, getting carved up like a turkey every single day, not giving into their threats. I deserve the same chance he got."

"No one gets out. I know your soul has turned dark. You don't have a shred of humanity left in you."

"Neither does that bitch over there yet that doesn't stop her from getting you off. Let me down and I'll show you how a real woman can service your needs."

A seething Sam closed his eyes and snarled, taking a few seconds before his angry eyes flew open, flaring with the color of yellow. The demon gasped in fright before Sam stretched his hand out farther. The loud echoes of her scream bounced off the cavern walls before she disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"They just won't learn, will they?" Ruby said with a slight smile.

"She's right, that could have easily been you."

"I'm not that stupid Sam. Come on, we better get out of here." Ruby turned around and froze, for a large symbol on the wall caught her eye. She stepped closer and ran her hand over the writings forming the circle. She turned pale and her jaw dropped in dread.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

"A diabolical signature in blood."

Sam's stomach dropped. "How many demons?"

"Twenty at least. There are some big bads here. Furcas, Mastema, Zagan, Astaroth, Baal…Dukes, Knights, Princes it seems we've gotten upper management's attention." Her fingers moved to the center seal and it all made sense. "In the middle of it all, Lilith."

"A demon pact?"

"Seems so."

"Why now?"

"Forget why now. Do you know what happens when demons of this caliber get together instead of pursing their own agendas? It goes beyond us. Its evil personified. Heavy shit can happen."

"Then we have to stop it."

"You can stop many of these demons alone, but together, they're unstoppable."

"There must be a way," Sam insisted.

Ruby suddenly got the sense that something that they didn't want to run into was nearby. "We've gotta get out of here. We'll brainstorm somewhere else."

They took steps to leave, but Sam stopped in front of the symbol. He sneered, held his hand out and watched the signatures ignite and burn into a large black circle. "That's what I think of your pact Lilith."

"Come on," Ruby pulled him away, and together they disappeared through the wall, going back into hiding.

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Dean snapped awake, the intense heat circling around him. He focused on the glowing light peering through the cracks of the closed door, inspiring him to rise out of bed to investigate. He moved closer, putting his hand on the back of the door, jerking it away when it was hot to touch. "A fire?"

He grabbed a nearby shirt and wrapped it around the doorknob, slowly turning it, standing back to make sure he wasn't in the path of flames should they shoot in. No flames came into the room, so he carefully opened the door wider. He was taken aback by what he saw and slammed the door shut.

"No, it can't be." He paced a bit, wondering what to do next. The answer became pretty clear. He had to investigate. He took in a deep breath and opened the door again.

On the other side was the familiar fire and brimstone, the same sights, scents and screams that haunt him to this day. He tried to choke down his fear, but was still too terrified to step forward. This was a doorway to Hell. "I guess this is God's answer."

He swallowed hard, took in a long breath and stepped through. He was doing this for Sam. The door behind him slammed shut and disappeared, causing Dean to shudder.

"Welcome back Dean," a voice said.

Dean saw the figure emerge from the shadows, but didn't recognize him. "Do I know you?"

"No."

"Why am I here?"

"This was what you were waiting for, right? Some sort of sign? Well you got it."

Dean nodded and visually examined the area. "A private chamber? I didn't see any of those in my time here. You must be important."

"I was presented with an interesting proposal and as soon as your name was mentioned, how could I pass it up? It seems you Winchesters just love to cause trouble."

"Well, I've always said we were born to raise Hell."

The demon smiled. "I'm impressed, keeping your sense of humor in a nasty situation like his."

"Why don't you tell me who you are?"

"I'm Marchoasias."

"And why have you taken a particular interest in our little problem, Marchoasias?"

The demon sat on a nearby stone, getting comfortable. "About two thousand years ago, I fell to earth with other fallen angels. I was one of God's fiercest warriors and served him with faith and loyalty, but I was betrayed by one of my brethren. For punishment, I was told I could not return to Heaven for one thousand and two hundred years. It was my belief after that time I would get to go back. I was deceived."

"So what does your epic story have to do with my brother and me?"

"I knew Castiel well once in time. He could have easily been betrayed like myself, but he escaped that judgment. It seems that if I help you Dean Winchester, this might put me in good favor with his almighty again."

"You're a demon, a very powerful one at that. How could that be possible?"

"You know so little about the fallen angels. Not all of us were condemned for eternity like Lucifer. Just because I've been separated from God all these years doesn't mean I don't wish to serve him again."

"Yet you've served yourself all these years."

"Gotta make a living in this sweat shop. Here I rule thirty legions of demons, all of which are very loyal. You weren't here long enough to earn that kind of respect. That's what's getting your brother in trouble. He doesn't want to put in his time and work his way up the corporate ladder like everyone else had to. These youngsters and their fast track nowadays. He's setting himself up for a drastic fall."

"Where's Sam?"

The demon adjusted his position, intrigued by Dean's direct questions. "I've heard stories, but don't know for sure. Azazel was such a fool with his psychic kids plan. He never thought through the possible outcomes, like if one ended up here. Sam's power is great and leaves him well protected, but it also leaves him with a sense of false confidence. Despite what he may believe, he's not indestructible. His first mistake will be his last."

"What's he been doing these last months…I mean years?"

"Very good, you remember how time goes here. Anyone who tries to surface to earth has been banished by him into the deeper recesses of Hell. He doesn't stop to ask reasons, or learn the agenda. He's made it his mission to make sure not another soul escapes or inflicts harm on you weak humans."

"That doesn't sound so bad."

"It's very bad. Each banishment stirs unrest among other demons. So much so that pacts have now been formed. Hell has always been demons with their own legions and agendas. If several join forces to defeat a common enemy, they won't stop there. Pretty soon, they'll be taking over parts of Hell, and eventually it all surfaces to your corner of the spectrum. Granted these alliances in the past have also fallen apart due to egos, but the potential this time is huge. Lilith has managed to get some heavy hitters on board."

"Did she approach you?"

"Me, no. She knew I'd never join. I'm sure I'm one of the first on her 'to be defeated' list should she succeeded. We've never been close."

"You know, this has been a fascinating circle time session, but how does all this help me find Sam? Did Castiel tell you if God decided to hold his end of the bargain?"

The elder demon stood up and began to pace. "Castiel mentioned nothing of the sort. His plea was for my own interests. Take it from me though kid, God isn't exactly good at holding his end of a deal."

"I'm sure he had good reason."

"That could be, but do you believe that about your own predicament as well?"

Dean scrunched his lips, accepting that for a demon, Marchoasis so far had been forthcoming and made some sense. "Fine, what do I need to do to find Sam?"

"You have the power to summon him. You form his sigil with your blood."

"He has a sigil?"

"The yellow-eyed demon. He has inherited the throne of Azazel. Do you know the sigil?"

Dean frowned. "Yeah, my dad showed us." The revelation spooked Dean immensely, for the vision of Sam like that was only reserved for his worse nightmares. It was everything Sam loathed to be. Dean suddenly didn't like what was happening. "How do I know that you aren't really on Lilith's side and you're using me as a way to smoke Sam out?"

"Even in Hell Dean, certain actions have to be done on faith. I'll tell you Sam is more powerful than I and I don't like the idea of summoning someone like that to my chamber, but all you can do is believe me. I have no other assurances."

Dean nodded, accepting the merits of the answer. "Where do I do this?"

Marchoasis pointed to an altar in an adjacent chamber. Dean's inner worry spiked, but he had to summon Sam, if anything to see what's come of him. He still didn't believe Sam had gone completely darkside and hoped it was all misguided intentions.

He was in front of the altar before he knew it, seeing the circle of evocation in the center and a dagger. Candles burned all around except for one at the top of the circle, which sat in a triangle. He knew when that was to be lit.

Dean gave one more skeptical stare at the demon cross, an image that burned in his brain every day he was here. He picked up the dagger, held out his exposed forearm and gingerly sliced a decent gash. The tip of the dagger stung each time he dipped it in his blood and used it to draw the lines and circles of the sigil in the center of the circle. He despised each stroke, for it was acknowledgement of the demon he killed, the one he loathed more than any creature, the destructor of his family.

When the sigil was completed he snarled in disgust, throwing the dagger down on the altar and picking up a nearby candle. He lit the candle at the top of the circle, which flashed upon meeting the fire before the flame lowered but continued to burn brightly. He turned his head into the other chamber to see Marchoasis watching closely with interest. He shook his head and put the candle down, eager to find out what happened next.

"Dean?"

Dean sharply twisted around, mouth hanging open over the sudden emergence of his brother. "I'll be damned." With eyes wide in disbelief, Dean moved closer to a confused Sam, reaching his arm out and touching Sam's shoulder, and he busted into tears. "Sammy. It's really you." Dean felt himself pulled in by Sam's large arms, and he returned a strong hug of his own.


	8. Chapter 8

**a/n: Sorry for the slower update, but I went back to blogging this week after taking December off. Needless to say, it's been rather explosive. The plot thickens, so happy reading!**

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A shocked Sam clung on, never tiring of such unexpected reunions, but too alarmed over the sudden surprise this time. He wanted to know how he ended up wherever he was, and why was Dean there.

Sam loosened his grip when the altar caught his eye, sauntering over to it even more stunned than before. He ran his finger along the edge of the circle, examining the contents aside. "Azazel's sigil?" He turned around and saw the gash in Dean's arm. "Your blood?"

Dean tried to explain, but all that came out was "Sam."

Sam stammered on words as it all came together. "You summoned me? With the seal of Azazel?"

"It's the seal of the yellow-eyed demon," Dean answered honestly.

Sam leaned back against the altar, the shock now getting to him. He became more uncomfortable over the way Dean was staring at him. It was like all the other times before. His freakiness had hit a new level. "Dean, what are you doing here?"

"Long story. I'm so glad to see you."

Sam's confused eyes looked all around and he noticed the heat, the smells of brimstone, and the cavern walls. "This is Hell. Dean, you shouldn't be here."

"Neither should you," Dean replied.

"Yeah, well I didn't have much say in that." Suddenly Sam's heart sunk. "Wait, are you-"

"No Sam. I'm not dead. That pesky angel on my shoulder setup this one."

"Why?"

"Because trouble's brewing."

"You mean the diabolical pact? It's nothing. Just Lilith throwing around some threats."

"Well, it's got Heaven's attention, that's for sure." Dean walked over and leaned against the altar next to his brother, both absorbing the surprise over being there together. "How did you get involved in this mess?"

"I don't know. How'd any of this happen? I mean one minute we're on a hunt and then next thing-"

Dean nodded in understanding, showing with a pained expression how vividly he remembered all that.

Sam fought back tears, being able to read Dean's expressions like a book. Obviously his death was pretty hard on his brother. "You know Dean, my death so far has been no different than my life. No matter where I go, I don't belong. Just like before, I have to make the most of it."

Before Dean could answer, Marchoasis entered. "You lose something?" He asked.

Ruby appeared behind him, causing Dean's eyes to roll. "Fantastic."

"Ruby," Sam said, "we need some time here."

Ruby slowly nodded, returning her own mean stare in response to Dean's scrutinizing one. She left but Marchoasis stayed behind, his eyes fixed on Sam in wonder. He snapped out of it a few seconds later and left when he noticed Dean's expression telling him to leave.

Sam took in a deep breath, for now his feelings were overwhelming him. All the fear and worry inside that he'd fought hard to control since the day he died were rising up. Dean was the only one that could trigger those intense feelings in him. "What am I going to do Dean?"

"For starters, stop what you're doing."

"Stop? How can I do that? The damage has been done. You know when I first got here everyone was so afraid of me that they chained me up in a private chamber and left me there alone to rot. You know how maddening that type of isolation is? My abilities are far more powerful here, and if I don't use them, I'm a sitting duck."

Dean's sorrowful expression reflected his heartbreak over what his brother had been through. "I'm sorry you had to go through that Sam. I of all people know how bad this place is. I'm not saying you shouldn't use your abilities here, it's just, I don't know, this reign of terror I've been hearing about, it's not like you. Ruby is messing with your head again."

"Do you realize that if Ruby hadn't shown up, I would have spent eternity dangling like meat? Thank heavens Bobby exorcised her, or I'd still be rotting there."

"I'm glad it worked out that way, but you know how hard it is to trust her? She had just sent you to Hell. I wasn't about to believe anything she said." Dean saw Sam's silent expression, the one he always gave when he didn't want to talk about things. Obviously Ruby was a sore spot, and they weren't going to convince each other about her motives. "Sam, all I ask is for you to be true to who you are."

"I thought I was. Aren't you the one that always told me to keep fighting, to go down swinging?"

"Yeah, but there are times where being in over your head isn't a good reason to keep going. Retreat works too."

"Where am I going to retreat to? If I don't do something good with what I've got, this place will eat me alive. I don't want to-"

"Want to what?"

"End up like all the rest. I don't want to lose my humanity."

Dean quietly accepted the answer, for he understood. A little too well. After a few uncomfortable seconds of silence, he stood up and walked into the other chamber.

"You said that demon pacts are often broken. Any ideas how we thwart this one?" He asked Marchoasis.

"You wish to divide loyalties."

"Yeah something like that."

Marchoasis watched Sam enter behind Dean, and stared at him with both wonder and concern. "I see you're a bit more level headed when you're brother is in charge," he said to Sam.

"So how do we do it?" Dean asked, not curious about the demon's interest in his younger brother.

"Demons and humans are very much alike. Any loyalty can be swerved with the proper incentive."

Dean was unsure about that answer. "I'm not exactly a Genie who can grant wishes."

Marchoasis smiled. "Remember, you have connections in high places."

Ruby jumped in, not at all happy. "Oh yeah, bargaining with demons will get you far. None of them can be held to their word. I don't even trust this guy."

"Yeah, maybe so, but we gotta try something." Dean turned to Sam, making sure he was with him on this. Sam with one glance offered his support.

"I need to get hold of someone up there," Dean said to Marchoasis, pointing upward.

"The doorway is always open for you, and only you," Marchoasis replied.

"I can't leave Sam."

"Yes you can," Sam said, "and you will. I can handle myself better down here than you. The longer you're here, the quicker you'll be detected. Go back and you and Bobby put together a plan."

"No, come back with me," he begged Sam.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I refuse to possess someone, and I assume you salted and burned my body."

"Actually, I buried you," Dean confessed.

Sam's face fell. "I'm sorry, I'm sure that was hard."

"Yeah, well I guess we're even. But yeah, you're a rotting corpse."

"Dean," Marchoasis interrupted, "He's right. I can only provide your safety for so long."

"Does this mean we have your loyalty?" Dean asked Marchoasis.

He looked at Sam, and then back at Dean. "Only you have my loyalty. I hold no allegiance to your brother."

Dean gave Sam a long hard look, still hesitant over the idea of going. "No more trouble until I get back."

Sam didn't like that idea. "Don't come back Dean. It's too risky. There are other ways to get a message through."

"How?"

"I have ways."

"You know good and well that there's no way I'm gonna do that. I'm coming back. I need to help you fight."

"Dean," Marchoasis said, "If you return, you can't leave this chamber, ever. If you do, going back won't be an option."

Dean thought about that, looking beyond the chamber door, flashes of his time here before giving him the chills. His worry changed to resolve. "I'll do what it takes. I gotta help Sam."

"You will help me," Sam said, "by going back." Sam stepped back, prepared himself with a deep breath and held out his hand. Dean jumped at the sight of yellow eyes flaring in his brother's eyes before being flung backward, flying toward the wall where the doorway he entered once was. "No Sam!!!" Dean said, bracing himself as he headed high speed toward the wall. He disappeared upon contact, leaving behind a trail of dust.

-------------------------------------------

Dean took in a long heavy gasp, and then felt the slap on his cheek.

"Dean!"

A disoriented Dean focused on the dark eyes and beard up close. "Bobby, you're back."

"I'm back??? What happened? For a minute there, you weren't breathing and had no pulse."

"Uh, I was there?" Dean's head pointed toward the closet.

Bobby let Dean go, went to the closet door and opened it, showing the messy contents. "You were in the closet?"

"That's a doorway to Hell Bobby."

"Hell??? But how? How did you get there and back?"

"Cas came to visit, did his angel thing. Uh, I saw Sam."

Bobby's face turned white at the mention. "Is he okay?"

"He's the yellow-eyed demon Bobby."

That turned Bobby's shade green next. "Oh no."

Dean got up. "Come on, I'll tell you more about it downstairs. We've got some research to do."

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Sam stood nervously in the corridor, eyes switching back and forth on alert. The constant uneasiness in the pit of his stomach still bothered him too much, but now it was coupled by the discomfort of Dean's surprise visit. Not that it wasn't good to see Dean but the fact that he had been dragged into another one of his messes didn't sit well. Before Sam felt like he was barely holding it together. Now he felt like the wheels had fallen off the wagon and he was clinging on tight, trying to avoid crashing toward disaster.

He wondered why out of control situations followed him everywhere. When would he ever find peace? Was this eternity's cruel joke that his work would never be done? He squashed that train of thought out of his mind, for there was no room for pity here. Weakness would only lead to his downfall. They had to defeat Lilith once and for all this time. Humanity, Heaven, Hell, everything was at stake. It was the whole ballgame.

He saw Ruby slip around the corner quietly, making darned sure she wasn't followed.

"What'd you find out?" Sam asked.

"The pact was formed to rid all enemies that would dare opposed Lilith's plan of freeing Lucifer. They had you in mind as a largest threat, but you weren't singled out. Others oppose her as well. If we can find those others, we might have allies," Ruby said.

"Convincing them to join us isn't going to be easy."

"That's a no-brainer. There's something else I found out."

"What?"

"Ground zero of their plans of destruction is going to happen up on earth. They're taking humanity down with them."

Sam felt the intense anger within rush through him, and suddenly any anxiousness was replaced by determination. "I won't permit any demon to go to earth. Innocent people cannot suffer."

"Okay Rambo, just remember, you alone aren't going to be able to prevent that forever, especially if it happens in numbers."

Sam frowned. "I suppose not. We'll have to stop Lilith before than can happen."

"That plan is even flimsier. How long have we been after her? How much luck have we had?"

"Then you tell me what we should do!" Ruby gave Sam a look of disdain, forcing him to reel back the anger and start thinking rationally. After pacing for a minute, an idea hit him.

"Of course, neutral ground. Angels, humans, demons, all kinds can duke it out in one harmless spot."

Ruby understood what he was talking about. "How are you going to get them to meet there?"

"You know a few tricks, and Dean has some friends in powerful places."

Ruby wasn't convinced. "Oh, great. So, if somehow we do manage to get Lilith's alliance, hunters, a squad of angels and your demon army all at one party, what happens then?"

Sam reacted to that like he was punched in the gut. He pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to absorb the irony. "So that's what I have to do to win this, form my demon army. I suppose that was always my destiny."

"No one ever said leading a demon army would be a bad thing. You've always tried to turn everything dealt to you into something good."

Sam gave her a sarcastic smile, for that wasn't the pep talk he wanted to hear. "So, how do we recruit?"

"You've got to offer something to these demons, or no one will join you."

"I'll offer protection for their loyalty."

"You're gonna have to do better than that. There aren't exactly many that believe in you. You can give them something else."

Sam's eye widened at the suggestion. "No, I won't do that."

"Tell me what choice you have?"

"I'd have to offer the same deal to everyone. You know I can't allow that."

Ruby held firm, not concerned about his reservations.

Sam shook his head, not ready to take such a huge risk. "We've got to find another way."

"Fine, you try that. In the meantime, time is wasting."

"We'll see." Sam said, not willing to back down. Ruby stared at him coldly. He didn't appreciate her sour attitude. "Just come on, we've got an army to put together."

-----------------------

**Two weeks later**

Bobby approached Dean, who was buried in a stack of books in the library, taking a quick cat nap. Dean popped his head up, noticing the strange look on Bobby's face. He was spooked about something.

"What is it Bobby?"

"Nothing, this just feels weird."

Dean's eyes stayed fixed on Bobby as he got up and walked slowly around the desk to get a closer look. He tilted his head while examining the older man, still uncertain over what wasn't right. "What's wrong with you?"

It suddenly hit him when the yellow eyes flared. "Sam?"

"Hi Dean."

"What…What happened to you refusing to possess someone?"

"I had to get a message to you, and I figured Bobby wouldn't mind."

Dean smiled, realizing only the yellow eyed demon could possess someone as tough and prepared as Bobby, just like he did with their Dad.

"You have to get hold of Castiel. I have an army ready for him," Sam said.

"An army?" That word unsettled Dean. "So this means-"

"Trust me, I've already noticed the irony."

"So wait, you actually convinced a bunch of demons to fight with the angels?"

"Yeah."

"I don't get it. How in the world did you do to that?"

He turned away in shame, the reaction alarming Dean. "Oh no, what did you do?"

"I made a promise."

"What sort of promises could you make? Did you tell them you'd set them free or something?" Dean joked.

Sam didn't answer, his guilty look getting worse.

Dean suddenly realized it wasn't a joke. "You promised they would get out of Hell??? Are you nuts???"

"They wanted freedom. I told them they had to earn absolution first from their service and then yes, I would let them go."

"Sam, how could you?"

"What choice did I have? It's either letting a few thousand demons run around, none of which are allowed to possess a human or cause trouble or they would be hunted down, or seeing the end of the world."

"That was a stupid idea! They won't keep their word. Castiel or any other angel won't help if he finds out you did that."

"Then you have to convince Castiel that the end justifies the means. He'll listen to you."

"I hate this plan."

"Yeah, well we're known for dumb ones. I'm all ears for a better idea."

Dean knew he and Bobby had spent weeks pouring through options and didn't have one. Still, convincing Castiel and/or God wasn't going to be simple. "Okay, we'll go with your stupid idea for now. What happens if he goes for it?"

"Ruby and I have found a battleground, one that won't involve innocent bystanders. We'll make sure Lilith and her followers end up there, as well as our army. You have to get the angels and any hunters who want to be a part of this there."

"Okay, sounds simple. So where do we meet?"

"Hamistagan."


	9. Chapter 9

**a/n: Warning! This chapter has a couple of disturbing scenes in it. Some really bad Ruby torture. Winchesters are only harmed psychologically!**

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"It's about freaking time you showed up!" Dean had been on wits end for days trying to get Castiel's attention and didn't get his timing. He swore that if he ever became an angel, he'd be punctual.

"Sorry to keep you waiting."

Dean looked around, noticing things were off. Everything was distorted and Bobby was sound asleep. "Why are you coming to me in my dreams?"

"We need to talk alone. This was the only chance."

Dean had no problem with that. "Okay. We've got this plan going, and um, I, well…"

"The answer is no."

"Don't I even get to ask the question?" Dean wondered how he could get so incredulous so fast over anything Castiel said. The angels have hardly been cooperative so far. Why start now?

"You can, but the answer doesn't change."

"Okay, then you tell me, how do we stop the demon pact?"

"We'll find another way."

"That's all you've got? What's the hang-up over the plan right now?"

"Some aspects of the plan don't sit right with us."

Dean dropped his head, wanting to be patient, but he was out of time and wasn't in the mood for vague answers. "Is this about you fighting with a demon army? Afraid you'll become BFF's with one? I guess that wouldn't look good to your boss."

"They were promised absolution by a demon lord. They're following an anti-christ."

"An or the?"

"It doesn't matter. It's violation of our most fundamental law."

"Oh yeah, one of God's ten big rules. How about thou shall not allow the world to end?"

"The decision stands."

"For you maybe. Sam and I will do this without you then."

Castiel firmed his stance, moving in closer to Dean. "I cannot allow that to happen."

"You're going to stop us? You're going to let Lilith and her band of merry men roll over humanity?"

"No, but I cannot allow Sam to lead a demon army as part of your crusade."

"Then how about some backup from God's freedom fighters? Isn't that what you're supposed to do, protect innocents from the end of the world?"

Deep sorrow filled Castiel's eyes. "The end has been prophesized."

Now Dean was really frustrated. "The Book of Revelation? Seriously? Shouldn't that be the big book of warning? The world doesn't have to end. Not now anyway. We can fight this."

Castiel strolled slowly over to the window and gazed wearily at the gloomy skies drooping downward. "Dean, you were chosen for this because you were a rule breaker. You have a way of seeing beyond the boundaries. However, this crosses a line. One that might in the end costing too much."

"This is Sam. There's no one I trust more. Can't those who choose to join him for this fight be judged fairly? Who knows, most of them probably ended up there like me, because of some stupid deal. I mean look at Ruby. She turned out okay."

"Other angels, they aren't going to like this."

"They'll follow orders. Don't worry about Sam. He listens to me. I'll make sure he stays in line."

Castiel wrestled with the idea, turning around and staring at Dean with trepid reservation. "I'll agree, on one condition."

"Seriously?"

"On one condition."

"Okay, anything, what is it?"

"If we join this fight, when it's over, Sam gets delivered to us."

Dean didn't fathom the demand. He couldn't. "What do you want with Sam?"

Castiel didn't answer, his face tinged with regret.

"Smite him?" Dean asked with haunting voice. "Cast him into the lake of fire?"

"His punishment for sacrilege would be delivered by God."

Dean hated that answer. "He wants to help you guys. Doesn't that count for something?"

"False prophecy cannot be rewarded."

"I can't turn over my own brother. You know that."

"You're willing to save the world by pairing angels and demons. Isn't your brother in exchange for humanity a worthy gesture?"

Dean sank on to the edge of the bed, so devastated over the mere thought that his knees went soft. "You seriously don't expect me to make this decision. You realize how much of my life went to protecting that kid?"

"Even Sam knows that you can't protect him forever."

Dean got up and looked Castiel square in the eye. "I want no part of it. You're the almighty angel, you don't need my permission."

"Then you don't intervene or try to save your brother in any way."

Dean silently contemplated the question, but couldn't find himself to answer.

"Dean-"

"Okay," Dean muttered softly.

Castiel gazed at him further, making sure the answer was honest. He nodded and turned to leave.

"So that's it? What's next?"

"You wait for the sign."

Dean snapped awake, sweating heavily and his heart pounding, like he had a nightmare.

------------------

Sam and Ruby arrived in Marchoasis' chamber, who was finishing up with another man. "I didn't expect to see you two so soon," he said when seeing them.

"I need to get hold of Dean," an anxious Sam said, not wasting anytime with greetings.

"No need. My legions are preparing to join him. We are waiting for the sign."

"So everything's a go? The angels agreed?" Sam couldn't believe Dean could convince them so quickly.

"Yes, they agreed. Everything is taken care of. You should go. You are taking a huge risk by coming here."

"I still need to get hold of Dean. I heard Lilith is back on earth and working in some revenge. I need to warn him."

Marchoasis smiled. "For someone so strong, your weakness is obvious. Your brother can fend for himself."

Sam wasn't backing off. "He's a target."

"You already used your chance. You barely got back last time. You are not permitted to go through that door. I have strict instructions."

"From who, Castiel?"

"I do not take orders from messengers. No, it comes from a higher power."

Sam grew impatient. "Then who do I need to take this too? I need to see Dean!"

Marchoasis looked at Sam firmly, letting him know the answer hadn't changed.

Sam threw his arms up in frustration and turned around. "Come on Ruby, we've got to go." Sam stormed in anger out of the chamber and Ruby followed behind. They didn't get far before they were greeted by a large group. Sam threw out his arm, but quickly felt himself slammed against a wall. One demon with red eyes and a malevolent grin came up to him, dangling an ancient talisman on a chain.

"It's kryptonite for yellow eyed demons. Great stuff." He draped it over Sam's neck.

Ruby was easily restrained with a knife to her throat. Sam turned his head toward Marchoasis, who was watching from the safety of his chamber. "Did you do this to us?"

"No, but then again, I don't like sticking my nose where I don't belong. I'll tell your brother you are disposed."

Sam wanted to shout at him, but he was dragged off too fast.

--------------------------------------

Sam blearily rolled his head back and forth, fighting off the stinging on his forehead and the sharp pokes in his back. He quickly noticed the chains and lead cuffs that bound him to the wall. The room especially felt hot, and it didn't take long for him to find out why. In front of him was a steaming pit, brimming with hot molten lava. Dangling over top of it was a terrified Ruby, her wrists tied on one end of a rope that ran through a pulley while the other end was held by torturer.

"Ready for some fun?" A woman with the long red hair appeared, stroking Sam's cheek.

"Lilith," Sam said, watching the fear frozen on Ruby's face as she noticed there was no chance of breaking free.

"That's a very special talisman," Lilith said, pointing to the object hanging around his neck. "It's meant to ward off the rarest kind of evil spirit. One of my men who fought for Azazel got it off an angel he killed. It doesn't do anything to me or common demons like your girlfriend."

Sam sneered and said nothing to her reveal.

"You know, I just got the most interesting message. It seems that a band of demons and angels, along with a few pitiful humans like your brother, are ready to square off in Hamistagan. At first I thought I'd let them wait, but now that I've captured you, I've got some bargaining power in case things go wrong."

"They don't need me."

"No? Oh, then you hadn't heard about the deal Dean made with Castiel. The one where you get turned over to the angels and receive your final judgment from the almighty himself."

"You're lying."

"Am I?" Lilith laughed. "I'm actually doing you a favor. By keeping you here, I'm sparing you from a fate worse than this."

She walked over to Ruby who struggled, for she knew what was coming next. "You knew I'd catch up to you one day. Disloyalty is so mean. Don't worry though, you don't get to have all the fun. Loverboy gets to watch, again and again and again. I bet he gets into that sort of thing."

Lilith nodded at the torturer, and he lowered the rope millimeter by millimeter, while Ruby cried out as she got closer to the lava. A horrified Sam went crazy, wriggling against the shackles, feeling the sharp wall to poke into him harder. "Stop it!"

"Or what? Oh yeah, you'll get your revenge on me one day. I don't think that plan has worked so far." Lilith watched with deep pleasure as Ruby screamed in agony when her toes dipped in the searing pit.

Sam cried out, but his objection was barely heard over Ruby's high pitched screams. Ruby continued to be lowered at a snail's pace, flailing over the pain.

Lilith came back to Sam. "I bet you like it slow just as much as I do. It'll take her a few good hours to be burned up completely. Then, like magic, she'll appear, and will go through it all over again. The best part is, you'll always have the front row view."

"You'll pay for this," Sam yelled, watching Ruby suffer.

Lilith leaned in and gave him a long, hard kiss. "Sorry, I have to go kill your brother and a bunch of his angel friends now. Trust me when I say I'd rather stay here. This is too much fun."

Before Sam could answer she disappeared, the sounds of Ruby's high pitched wail and smells of burning flesh chilling him to the core.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Dean glanced down, easing up on his grip when he saw how white his knuckles had become. He was running through his mind all the ways he would fix the engine after this to go faster. He did this every time he needed to be somewhere instantly, and later he found it wouldn't be wise to push such an old car harder. It was bad enough he was practically pushing the accelerator through the floor.

The tires skidded in the dirt as he slammed on the brakes. Bobby was out of the car before it stopped moving and Dean was only a second behind him. They raced in to Pamela's house, shocked to find the place torn up.

"Pamela?" Dean shouted, but heard nothing.

Bobby started checking under debris. His face tightened over what he saw under a piece of crushed table. "Sulfur."

"Pamela?" Dean shouted again, noticing the heel of a shoe sticking out from a black shroud covered in symbols. He charged over and tossed it to the side. "Pamela!" He took her into his arms, finding she was shaking and catatonic.

Bobby looked at the shroud. "Whoever was here was hardcore."

"Come on Pamela." Dean tapped her face, and she snapped out of whatever trance she was in.

"Dean?"

"What happened?"

"I was trying to contact the spirits, see if there was anything out there from Sam. Next thing I know, a flash of white light came at me. I got under the shroud, but took a good jolt before that happened."

"Lilith," Dean said.

"Yes," Pamela replied, allowing Dean to sit her up straight. "She's wise to what's going on and mobilizing for attack. She caught me spying on her and stopped here first."

"We gotta move quick then," Dean said, but Pamela gripped his shirt tight.

"Dean, she also captured Sam and Ruby. They're suffering terribly right now."

"How do you know this?" Dean asked with his fright spiking.

"I saw it through a talisman. It must be connected to Lilith. Sam and Ruby are in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" Dean demanded, his heart now pounding.

"There's a pit, loaded with lava. Ruby is being burned alive and Sam is screaming."

"Did you see Sam?"

Pamela shook her head. "No, I can't see him. I think whatever I'm looking through is on him."

"Oh crap," Dean said, turning pale, gently letting her go and sliding to a sitting position on the floor.

"What is it?" Bobby asked

"That chamber is only reserved for the worst offenders. Lilith's probably making Sam watch because that's worse for him than actually going through the torture. He must be going nuts." Dean got up and charged toward the door, feeling Bobby stop him from behind.

"Where are you going?"

"Back to your place. I gotta go back there, I gotta help Sam."

"Aren't you forgetting, you're needed elsewhere."

"They'll have to wait. The angels can get started without me."

"Dean, you know if you go back you might be stuck there."

"I can't leave him like that. They'll keep him there for long time. I'll take my chances."

Bobby turned to Pamela. "Is there anything you can do?"

Pamela shook her head. "That's a very powerful talisman. I think it originated in Heaven. If it is on Sam, he's useless."

Bobby turned back to Dean. "I can't let you do this."

"Just stop me." Dean yanked himself away, and headed out the front door.

-----------------------------------

"Why are you here?" Marchoasis said to his visitor. "My legions are already on the move, ready to join you."

"You know what happened to Sam?" Dean asked. He'd made record time to get here, and wasn't stopping now.

"Who doesn't? There's no chance of saving him."

"I'm here to find him."

"You are needed elsewhere. You know my men are only going to follow you. They are not going to take kindly to taking orders from angels."

"That's why I've gotta find Sam fast. We're out of time."

"If you go out there, I cannot assure your safety."

"I don't give a crap about my safety! I've come to get my brother."

Marchoasis sighed and put his hand on Dean's shoulder in hopes of talking some sense into him. "Sam was trapped because of his weakness for you. He got careless and came here begging me to get hold of you, even though he knew that was not an option. As soon as he left empty handed, he and his companion were ambushed. Now the same could happen to you for the same reason. Come with me, I can take you straight to Hamistagan."

"He needs to be in Hamistagan too! His army won't follow anyone else either. If he's not there, I'm not either." Dean rushed over to the altar and picked up the dagger, pushing it into his own flesh.

"You cannot summon him this time Dean. He is bound and punished."

"They maybe it'll tell me where he is!" Dean continued cutting, letting his blood roll onto the blade.

Marchoasis sighed, accepting the stubborn nature of the older Winchester. "I'll draw the symbol for you." Dean cautiously handed him the dagger, and watched him etch markings he'd never seen before. Marchoasis roughly dug the blade into him each time he needed more blood, causing Dean to wince. He didn't protest, since all the demons he knew were never careful with knives.

Marchoasis put the dagger down and backed away. "Put your hands on the altar and close your eyes."

Dean did so, and then jerked when the disturbing vision hit him. "Sammy! Hold on, I'm here to help you." He jumped back, more unnerved than before. "I know where he is."

Dean grabbed the dagger moved forward, but Marchoasis held him back. He reached over to a nearby ledge and handed him a medallion. "This will disguise you from other demons, but you still cannot let anyone see you. You must come back here and go through the doorway. It now points to Hamistagan."

"Thanks," Dean said in appreciation, racing toward the exit.

"You better know when to cut your losses Dean. This can't take too long."

Dean heard him, but didn't reply for he wasn't in the mood to reflect on the obvious.

------------------------------------------------

Sam wasn't sure what was worse. The blood curdling cries for mercy, or the smell of the rotting flesh. No, it was watching the twisting on Ruby's face. He so wanted to close his eyes, force himself not to watch, but he had to let Ruby know he was with her. At first he tried to talk her through it, but he soon learned words weren't going to help.

He did turn away once her head was submersed, unable to see the rest of her burn away. Within minutes though she was back in full form, dangling over the molten pit, her flesh scorched, still in total pain and dreading over going through it again.

"Stop this!" he screamed at the torturer, who was having plenty of enjoyment lowering Ruby at a sluggish pace. Sam struggled, trying like mad to find someway to break free and save her, but his abilities were too weak. He tried to get himself to bleed through rubbing his skin excessively on the shackles, but they were too smooth.

Sam spotted something glistening on the ground, the inscription letting him know it was Ruby's knife. He closed his eyes, trying desperately to use his telekinesis to fling the blade toward him, but there wasn't an inch of movement. He yelled in frustration, tugging hard at his bonds, only causing himself pain as well.

That's when it hit him. A wave rushing through him of anxiousness and fear but it all coming from another source. He closed his eyes and it became clear. "Dean," he said softly to himself after hearing "Sammy! Hold on, I'm here to help you." Sam concentrated harder, communicating this time with his thoughts. "Don't come after me. You're in danger." He didn't get a response, his sinking feeling getting worse.

Dean was on his way.


	10. Chapter 10

**a/n: I have two excuses for the delay. A very bad case of writer's block, and my blog recently overtaking my life. I finally got it though, and there's only two or three chapters left. This is the big setup for what's to come. Enjoy!**

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The two beings caught sight of each other in the distance, both feeling the strangeness of the situation. Castiel walked toward Marchoasis with trepdiation, looking downward, unable to face him. "Marchoais. I see you fulfilled your promises."

"Surprised?" Marchoasis asked. "2100 years is a long time, but I haven't changed all that much."

"You were not promised forgiveness by being here."

"I know. I've got nothing to lose. This demon pact is bad for my business and I'm not one to defy a chosen one of God."

Castiel found his admission interesting. "You defied me. Why would you choose to follow Dean?"

"I didn't challenge you Castiel. I was betrayed."

Castiel pinched the bridge of his nose, focusing on the fact he was there for another task. "Have you run into any of Lilith's alliance?"

"They're here somewhere. They're just not ready to emerge yet. There isn't anything to catch their interest."

Castiel nodded in understanding, looking beyond Marchoasis and noticing something was missing. "Where's Dean?"

Marchoasis wrinkled his brow. "About that. It seems Sam found some trouble."

Castiel tried to keep his cool, but was clearly bothered. "You let him go into the depths of Hades by himself?"

"Preaching to the choir ole buddy. I gave him some protection and a warning that there wasn't much time."

Castiel paced back and forth, pondering what to do. "I could always go there and pull him out myself."

"Ah, but he's a determined man. You have been away from mankind too long. Human spirit like that cannot be easily deterred."

Castiel moved closer, looking Marchoasis straight in the eye. "Dean going after Sam was not part of the plan."

"That's true but if I remember correctly, Sam's death was your plan, not mine."

"He wasn't supposed to end up in Hell."

"Well you should have had a backup plan then because it happened. The rest of us are adjusting to that unfortunate twist. Are you?"

Castiel said nothing, admitting with one simple displeased look that everything had gone awry.

Marchoasis couldn't help but rub it in. "Any creature that inspires such an alliance of powerful demons must be very special. One that probably should have stayed where he was."

"God had a reason."

"Okay, keep believing that. In the meantime, Dean has some time. It seems he's not needed yet. There's still no sign." Marchoasis turned away and went to join his men.

Castiel sighed and looked off to the distance. The sign would be here soon enough.

-------------------------------------

Dean tried to calm himself down, for even the loud beating of his heart was enough to alert demons. He questioned how powerful the medallion really was and how careful he needed to be. He decided it wouldn't hurt to be too careful.

He slowly moved with his back against the wall, side stepping while clutching the dagger with his right hand. The smell got worse the further down he went, a sign that he was getting closer. He didn't want to admit how it triggered the memories and put a huge knot in his stomach.

Suddenly a vision flashed in his head, and he fought any instinct to cry out in pain. He saw Ruby, squirming and crying out, not dealing with her horrific ordeal well. He also heard Sam yelling. He couldn't see Sam though, so he guessed whatever he could see through was on Sam. Just like what Pamela described.

"Oh no," he thought. "It must be the talisman. When Pamela saw through that, Lilith found her easily. I better-"

"Dean Winchester. Aww, coming back for a visit? How sweet. You missed us."

Dean swallowed hard, determined to stay in control of the situation. He concealed the dagger under his belt and slowly turned around to see the female demon behind him, black eyes and all. He gave her a quirky smile. "I'm a sucker for happy reunions."

"Alarm's been sounded buddy. It's going to be hundreds of me in a minute, all with their own heartwarming greetings. The mere thought brings a tear to my eye." She sauntered closer, her confident grin not at all bothered by Dean's cold stare. "However, you're a big prize. I don't wanna share." She had him by the neck in a flash. She held him at arm's length, high up against the wall, his feet dangling a few inches from the ground. She applied pressure with her grip, and Dean started to choke.

Dean struggled, but couldn't overcome her strength. After a minute there were noises, and the demon turned her head to see what was coming. Dean reached for the dagger and right when she turned back to face him, it went straight through her throat. Her eyes and mouth sputtered with fire before she turned into black dust.

Dean fell to the ground, coughing and gasping to recover his breath. "Cool," he said, staring at the black dust on the ground. The noises were getting louder, so he scurried up and headed in the other direction.

-------------------------------------------------------

The torture had weakened her, and for good reason. Ruby knew what this punishment was all about. It was for higher level demons, condemned for the worst acts. A black eyed demon like her, one that was once human, wasn't meant to take this type of agony for long. Each time she went under more than her flesh was burned away. It was taking pieces of her soul. Ruby knew she wasn't going to survive this.

Her mind awoke from the haze and she saw that she was back together, the molten fire below her, and she was going back for more. Her focus quickly turned to Sam, who was in a world all his own. She watched him seething, his veins bulging and face beet red, and she knew what was happening. All that fury inside him was building and ready to burst. Now was the time.

She felt the intense burning coming from her feet, but she ignored it and focused. Through her quivering voice she managed to choke out some words. "Let go Sam."

"Let go of what?" he replied with gritted teeth, now breathing hard from trying to break loose from the chains.

"Look what I found," A voice from the chamber entrance said. Sam and Ruby turned to find a demon holding a knife to someone's throat. Dean.

"You let him go!" Sam shouted with a piercing edge in his voice.

Dean looked at him with shock. Sam's eyes were blazing yellow.

"Calm down Sam," Dean said as the demon pushed him closer to the pit. "Don't give into it."

Ruby closed her eyes and channeled on Sam's anger. "Constitue super eum peccatorem et diabulus stet a dextris eius."

The talisman started to glow. Dean watched with fear, but didn't say anything.

"Vos iterum exorcizo atque potenter contestor, ac valde impero per eum qui dixit, et factum est," Ruby recited further. Suddenly a burst of light burned the symbol of the talisman, the sixth sun of Saturn, onto each of the lead shackles. "Et per nomen Azazel, et in nomine Azazel per quod justi resurgent!"

With one yank Sam broke free of the shackles. The talisman stopped glowing, and Sam pulled it off him and threw it to the ground, smashing it. His fury was too great though, and Ruby's eyes widened as she saw how out of control he was. "Give into it Sam."

A raging Sam scowled, and Dean grew more fearful. "Don't listen to her Sammy, calm down!"

"Surrender or I turn him into dust," The demon said to Sam, pushing the dagger into Dean's throat.

Sam closed his eyes, took in two calming breaths, and then he sneered. His yellow eyes flew open and he clenched his jaw before throwing out his hand.

"Don't look at him Dean!" Ruby shouted out, trying to break free but unable to do so. Her warning may have come too late. She screamed and the last thing Dean remembered was being thrown backward by a sudden flash of yellow light.

---------------------------------

He couldn't comprehend the feeling of hot, dry dust and pebbles pressed against his cheek. It was prickly and uncomfortable, but he was still too dazed to free himself from it or investigate why it was there.

"Wake up Dean."

Dean raised his aching head up slowly, pressing his hands to the ground to steady himself because everything was spinning. He cracked opened his eyes, and realized it was Bobby. "Why is it so hot here?"

"Welcome to Hamistagan. I don't think I'll be building my summer home here."

"What?" Dean raised himself up to his knees, sitting on them while rubbing his eyes. "Hamistagan? How did I get here? I was-" Then it hit him. "Where's Sam?"

"You might want to ask him." Bobby pointed behind him.

Dean turned around, and one look of that coat jogged his memory. He reached up to his left shoulder, feeling the freshness of a new burn mark over his old one. "You pulled me out?"

"You'd be dead otherwise, as in turned to dust dead."

"What about Sam?"

"He was the one that I saved you from."

Dean got up, ready to rush at Castiel and throw some punches, but as soon as he got on his feet he staggered from being too dizzy. "Sorry you couldn't turn Sam into your boss like some trophy. When I'm done here, I'm going back to find him."

"The doorway is closed Dean," Castiel said. "All souls here cannot pass anywhere without going through judgment. Maybe yours will be a return trip to Hades."

Dean leaned over taking in a few breaths, the dry dust infiltrating the air irritating his already winded lungs. He saw Marchoasis off in the distance, along with a field full of souls. "So what's the plan?"

"We're waiting for the sign," Castiel said looking out among the horizon.

"Does this sign involve more angels?" Dean asked, noticing Castiel and Bobby were hardly enough.

"I don't know," Castiel said.

"Oh great," Dean replied, throwing his arms up in the air. "I would have thought God's warriors would be a little more organized. We could have used Sam and his army."

"Sam's army is here. They are under Marchoasis' command for now."

"So you shut Sam out?"

"He's too dangerous right now. He's unstable, and anything could happen."

"What, are you afraid he'd use his power to take out you and your precious team of angels?"

"The way his power is right now, he could take out us all in one swipe. His demon friend intensified and destabilized the sixth sun of Saturn. He's a time bomb waiting to go off."

"I don't believe this," Dean said, kicking the dirt. "I thought the deal was Sam could be here."

Castiel stepped forward, holding firm against Dean's anger. "I also remember another part of that deal. One that you defied by going after Sam in the first place."

"I said I wouldn't intervene! I never said anything about not trying to save him from imprisonment in Hell!"

"Come on guys," Bobby said, getting in between them. "Bickering ain't gonna solve nothin'." While Dean and Castiel had a heated stare down, Bobby's face turned white and his jaw dropped when he saw what came from the horizon. Dean and Castiel were both puzzled by his face, and looked themselves.

"Sam?" Dean said, running toward his staggering brother. He gripped onto him for dear life, getting a little teary over Sam's weakened state.

"I'm okay Dean," he said with a soft voice.

"How did you get here?"

"I don't know."

Dean didn't have time to ask further questions, for their conversation was interrupted a huge beam of light streaking across the sky followed by a sonic boom. Castiel watched the phenomenon stunned.

"What's going on?" Dean asked, as he and Sam walked toward Castiel.

"Something I've only seen in my dreams," Castiel said.

A few seconds later out of the foggy horizon a young woman emerged, dressed in a long white gown, pure ivory skin and long black hair. She came toward them in a slow stride, holding her hands outward. Castiel dropped to his knees as she got closer and bowed his head. She moved next to him, and placed her hand on the top of his head. "Well done faithful servant."

"Asherah," Castiel said in wonder. "This is truly an honor."

She gave him a slight smile and looked ahead. "You," she said to Dean. "Come forward." Dean moved toward her, drawn in by her piercing gaze. She grasped his hand, and Dean gasped in fright as her eyes began to bleed. She was not fearful or deterred though, and kept a solemn stare. "Now you are whole Dean Winchester. Your burdens have been released."

"Did you bring Sam here?" he asked, watching the red streak down her face.

"Samuel must live out his purpose. He will not find peace until he does."

"My purpose?" Sam asked. Asherah let go of Dean and stepped over to Sam next, holding onto his hand. Suddenly her bleeding disappeared and the red liquid oozed from Sam's eyes.

"What's happening?" He asked, raising a hand to blood on his cheek.

"Your brother's role has always been your guardian. This applies no longer. You must follow your own path."

A bewildered Sam nodded and watched her hand slip away from his. She turned away and headed back to the horizon from where she came. She stopped, pointed out her finger, and burned out the sacred symbol in the ground. "This is a land of waiting. Carry out your missions with full faith, and you shall be delivered from this land of dust and waste to a place of light. May God bless you all." She then slowly disappeared into the fog.

The four men stood frozen, in awe over what happened. "Was that-?" Dean asked but was sushed by Castiel, who kept staring into the fog. Suddenly, figures started emerging from the haze one by one. Hundreds of them. Angels.

"That was the sign." Castiel looked at Dean, and then took another long glance at Sam, who wiped the blood from his face. "Okay, time to move."

They nodded and moved forward, but Sam stopped Dean before they got too far. He pulled out from his pocket Ruby's knife, handing it over to Dean. "You'll need this."

Dean looked at him with appreciation, then remorse. "What happened to Ruby, Sam?"

"She's dead I think. I may have killed her." Sam's eyes glazed and he took in a deep breath, fighting off the feelings of guilt.

"You couldn't control it Sam. I'd be dead too if it wasn't for Cas. I don't blame you."

Sam nodded, and shook it off. "Come on, we're on a mission from God."

Dean cracked a slight smile, and they walked together side by side, very ready for the battle ahead.


	11. Chapter 11

**a/n: This is a REALLY long one. I was going to break this chapter in two, but considering I had to take a couple weeks break because real life took over, I decided to treat everyone and throw it all into one. I wasn't sure where to break it up anyway.**

**I'll tell ya, I'm an emotional wreck now that I wrote this. It's epic, it's sad, and man is it cool. Of course, that's the author's bias talking again, so tell me if I'm wrong. Only one more chapter after this. Anyway, take a bathroom break and grab a drink before settling in. You'll be glad you did.**

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The searing heat beat down on them, and each step forward became more of a burden. Sam wondered why he chose this place, even though a barren wasteland was the best place for a standoff. This place was not meant for comfort. How easily he forgot that any feelings of guilt and regret were intensified by ten. The anxiety ran thick, as if it was in the air and choking him.

Sam had no idea what to expect, nor did anyone else. Every bit of him though knew Lilith and other demons were in reach. He could feel it. As they continued forward, Sam froze in his tracks and looked right. He stared hard out into the distance, and his insides jumped when he caught the slight motion. "There."

Dean and Bobby came to his side, looking in the direction Sam was pointing. "I don't see anything," Dean said.

"I saw something," Sam insisted. He more than saw. It was if pure evil drove a spike through him.

"There's nothing there," Dean argued.

"A serpent," Castiel said from behind them.

"Yeah," Sam said.

Dean looked around the ground, jumping over the idea that snakes might be around any second now.

Sam closed his eyes and took in the sensations of evil surrounding him. "Lilith has separated herself from the pack."

He started walking in that direction. Dean followed behind him, but suddenly an invisible force stopped him. Sam turned and noticed Castiel holding out his hand and Dean not moving.

"What's going on?" Dean asked Castiel.

"This is his fight Dean, his fight alone," Castiel said.

"He can't take on that bitch by himself. He needs me."

"Your priorities are elsewhere," Castiel said sternly.

"He's right Dean," Sam said, his eyes meeting with Castiel's. They were in full agreement. "You need to help Cas with the others."

The reality of the situation came to Dean fast. This could be the last time he would see his brother. He stared at Sam's earnest gaze, and then offered a small smile of encouragement with his glazed eyes. "Take care of yourself Sammy," he said with a cracked voice.

Sam nodded, his own eyes getting a little glassy. "See you on the other side Dean." Sam looked at Bobby, who was frowning and biting his lip. Sam gave him a nod of appreciation.

"You know what it takes to shake off the sting of a serpent, right?" Bobby said.

Sam nodded. "It shouldn't be a problem."

Sam took one more look at his distraught brother, assuring him with a determined glare he would be okay. Sam turned around and walked farther into the empty terrain.

Dean turned to Castiel, who projected his empathy with his pure eyes.

"Let's get this over with," Dean said, brushing past Castiel and moving forward.

-----------------------------------

Their jaws dropped as soon as they worked their way through the haze. Castiel took the lead, watching the mayhem out in the horizon stunned.

"Uh, is this normal?" Dean asked.

"Not by a long shot," Castiel answered.

A full scale battle involving thousands of demons was happening before their eyes. They were exchanging blows, pummeling one another with punches and flying kicks, but it was a full scale mess in which no side seemed to be getting the better of another. None were fallen or defeated.

Castiel spotted Marchoasis a few hundred feet away and went to see what was going on.

Bobby and Dean watched the side show dumbfounded for a minute, then followed Castiel.

"When did this get started?" Castiel asked Marchoasis, who was enjoying the show.

"About an hour or so. I personally think they're having the time of their lives out there. It's live action Mortal Kombat. They die and then come back, ready for the next round."

Castiel looked among the large crowd further. "I don't see any of their bosses. Where are the high level demons?"

"Your angelic buddies already have them take care of, the ones that showed up anyway. I think there were about five of them. One whack on the forehead, and they were banished back to Hell. I'm not sure why they've let the others go on like this. Maybe because they're as amused as I am."

Castiel didn't like this. "Something's not right. This was too easy."

Dean rushed over and grabbed Marchoasis. "This is all a setup, isn't it? I'll bet the real battle is taking place right now with Sam."

Marchoasis looked at Dean and shrugged. "I have no part in that plan. My place is here."

"What plan?" Dean demanded, shaking Marchoasis further.

"Defeat, what else? The pact has existed for years. The plan has always been to take out the yellow-eyed tyrant. Sam just ended up taking that role instead of Azazel."

Dean pushed Marchoasis away and went running in the direction they arrived from. Bobby yelled at him. "Dean, wait! You don't know what you're going into."

"Sam needs help Bobby."

"You've got a team of angels and me on your side. Let's come up with a plan before going."

Dean looked at Castiel, who looked away from him. Dean got the picture. "It's just you and me Bobby. The angels won't help."

"Why not?"

"They don't want to see Sam come out of this either."

"What?"

Dean glared harder at Castiel, the fury rising inside him. "If Sam comes out of this, Cas here is going to deliver him to the almighty himself for punishment."

"I seem to recall your agreement not to intervene," Castiel said, not at all intimidated by Dean's confrontational stance. "If you save Sam, then you have to deliver him to me."

"The agreement sucks," Dean said.

It all started making sense to Bobby. "So this is the deal you two were harping on each other about earlier?"

"It was the only way I could get the angels to help. Now I realize I would have been better off on my own."

"Go back on your word Dean, and you could face the same fate your brother does," Castiel sternly warned.

"Then I'll see you in Hell." Dean started running in the other direction. Bobby followed him, throwing Castiel a mean look while walking past.

"Humans are so damned flawed," Marchoasis said, watching Dean and Bobby go off into the distance. "It's a wonder they've survived this long."

"I agree with you there," Castiel said. Castiel sent a signal toward the horizon, and within a minute angels appeared. "Take care of them," he nodded, pointing toward the crowd.

The angels swooped into the field and one by one the demons began disappearing into clouds of black dust.

-----------------------------------

Sam knew she was there somewhere. Still, she remained cloaked, obviously ready to strike. He stayed on constant alert, preparing for anything that might come at him. "Come and show your face you bitch!"

As he looked around further, a snake emerged from the thin air behind him at his feet. It coiled up and hissed. Sam turned around and jumped just as the creature struck. He wasn't fast enough though, and it got him in the calf.

Sam clenched his fists and closed his eyes, fighting off any poison that tried to work through him. After a minute he overcame his pain, and he opened his eyes no longer affected by the strike.

The serpent hissed and evolved into a woman dressed in a purple and scarlet dress. She grinned over the sight of Sam.

Sam sneered, not impressed. "Nice outfit Lilith."

"I knew you'd like the sense of irony. I make a pretty good Whore of Babylon, don't you think?" She saw Sam roll his eyes and shrugged, accepting he wasn't in a humorous mood. "So you met Asherah. She gave you the power to overcome the venom."

"She restored me."

Lilith wasn't deterred. "Fine, so you now you have enough benevolence inside of you to overcome a serpent bite. How good for you."

"So is that all you got? A snake bite? I'm disappointed."

Lilith smiled, and waved her hand behind her. From the horizon, emerging slowly, were forces of thousands. Sam felt the anger geared toward him as they moved closer. He recognized a few of them, members of his army plus many more.

"What's going on here?" Sam asked.

"You read the bible. Even the demon one tells the same story. A rebellion against the lawless one happens." She folded her arms and sauntered closer to Sam. "You're a false prophet. Your powers, your signs, your promises of freedom, all a powerful delusion. You can't save these beings. You can't save yourself. They're here to rise against you."

Sam's eyes were wide with concern, looking at the faces and feeling the scorn. "You're making it sound like I'm the Antichrist."

"You kind of are. By promising absolution, you put yourself before Christ. Considering you're also a demon, I'd say you fit the 'satanic in nature' criteria too."

Sam's anxiety hit higher levels when the crowd began swarming around them, forming a circle. They were still a good distance away from him and Lilith though. He cocked his head, and it all occurred to him. "You aren't ready to destroy humanity yet. The entire plan is to take me down."

"No wonder everyone thinks you're the smarter brother. You're only half right though. We've had this in motion for years, the only difference is the identity of the yellow-eyed demon changed." She pressed her lips against his reluctant ones. "Personally, I think you're hotter."

"I don't get it. Why not destroy me in the cave like you did Ruby?"

"You did that to her buddy. For which I thank you very much. That bitch was always a pest." She saw that Sam didn't appreciate her gratitude. "You're too powerful for anything in Hell. The only way to destroy you was to bring you to neutral ground, where your powers don't quite have that punch."

The crowd inched closer, causing Sam to twitch nervously. "I can still take them out."

"Demon blood thrives on evil Sam, not good. Will your new sense of purity allow that to happen? You're going to have to tap into that darkside of yours in if you want to beat this crowd. The best part is if you defeat everyone here, then something worse awaits you on the other side."

Sam knew what she meant. "The angels."

"No fair, they get to have all the fun."

Sam let his temper get the better of him and threw out his hand, flinging Lilith backward. She hit the ground hard, but got up smiling. "Ouch," she said sarcastically, dusting herself off while laughing.

Suddenly she disappeared and Sam was left alone, surrounded all the angry faces. They all rushed at him, and Sam closed his eyes and held out his arm.

------------------------------------------

Dean felt Bobby's eyes burning right through him as they briskly walked. "Just say it Bobby."

"How could you even think it? Giving up Sam to the angels?"

"What choice did I have? I needed the angels to be here. Millions of lives are at stake."

"You actually believe that? You don't get it, do you?"

Dean stopped, confused by where Bobby was going. "Get what?"

"What Castiel asked you to do, it had nothing to do with giving up Sam."

"What do you mean?"

"It's a test that's existed since the dawn of man. Turning over Sam is no different then when Cain slew Abel."

"You've lost me."

"A man of sin should never be in the position to make sacrifices. Chances are it'll blow up in your face. That sacrifice is worse when it's your brother. Your reasons may seem noble at the time, but as we just found out, they're usually just plain wrong. You should never give up your own blood, no matter what the cost."

"So wait, you're telling me Cas was testing me? He would have agreed to this if I said no?"

"Maybe. I don't have these angels all figured out. What I do know is God works in paradoxes. If there's one rule to follow, it's that blood is thicker than water. Nothing else matters."

Dean dropped his head in guilt, feeling like an idiot. "But I can fix this now."

"Hell yeah."

"Then let's keep moving."

---------------------------------------

Sam opened his eyes, and noticed with one wave of his hand he pushed back the angry crowd a good distance. They were recovering though from the blow and were ready to charge again. Sam pointed his hand toward the ground and burned into the sand a full circle around him. One glance upward showed they were getting closer, so he worked faster, drawing another circle outside of the other one. He drew in the space in between the circles the pentagrams and inscriptions in Hebrew.

Right around the time he formed the first part of the sigil of Azazel in the center of the circle, he felt the crushing blow behind him. He fell to the ground and felt the angry crowd beat on him all over. He raised his hand upward, but this time the blast only knocked them off a little. That was enough for him to continue with drawing a few more seconds, but they were on him again in no time.

He rolled on his stomach and shakily drew the rest of the sigil, absorbing the painful strikes. He tuned out the intense pain, for he needed to finish. Someone struck him square in the temple, stunning him for a few seconds, causing his vision to double. He recovered and went back to his drawing.

Everything got very woozy by the time he got to the last section of the sigil, the sand in his eyes and the spinning in his head making clear vision impossible. His hand quivered wildly as he sketched out the last bit, although making a clean circle was very difficult. He finished it just as someone kicked him in the side hard, knocking him onto his back.

Suddenly there was a burst of yellow light, and those attacking him were thrown from the circle, leaving Sam hurt on the ground in the center. Everything spun and he groaned before falling into unconsciousness.

-------------------------------------------

Dean and Bobby came to a precipice, the height giving them a good look at the barren valley below. Dean went nuts over what he saw. "Sam!" He rushed backward, ready to find a way to climb down to tend to his wounded brother, but Bobby held him back and pulled them both down to the ground so they wouldn't be spotted.

"He's hurt Bobby," Dean said, still giving some resistance.

"He's well protected. He locked himself inside a magical circle. You need some serious power to spark that kind of magic. It'll keep them out, but he won't be going anywhere either surrounded like that."

"We just can't leave him like that."

"Yes we can. This is Hamistagan and he's already dead. It's best if we wait until he comes around."

Dean simmered down, accepting Bobby's logic. "So how do we get him out of this? You know, once he comes to."

"Beats me."

Dean's head dropped to the sand. "Great. I suppose going in there and fighting isn't going to work."

"Us? You think we're gonna be able to take on several thousand demons?"

Dean sighed, wracking his brain trying to come up with a plan. He eyed his vulnerable brother, motionless on the ground, and thought harder. There had to be a way to help. Suddenly, it dawned on him. "Bobby, when I found Sam in Hell, Ruby did something. I'm not sure what, but it triggered something inside Sam. He flashed this yellow ray of death and boom. Cas pulled me out before I could figure out what happened."

Bobby took a second to think it through. "Ruby started the spell with the sixth pentacle of Saturn. I'll bet she found a trigger to his power."

"He was insanely angry, like a mind-blowing rage. I felt it through that thing, whatever it was that they had on him at the time."

"I know a spell that could work. One that brings ruin, destruction, and death. I need to get inside that circle though and draw the pentacle."

"How are you going to do that? Those demons can't get in, how will we?"

"If that circle is what I think it is, it's meant to ward off evil spirits. I think you and I will have no problem getting in. However-"

"You know how much I hate that word?" Bobby gave him a "let me finish" look. "Okay, however,"

Bobby continued. "If I evoke his power and we're not in that circle, he'll take out us too."

"What, like kill us?"

"I'm not sure. He'll either turn our souls into dust, or send us back to where we came from."

"Got any odds on each one?"

"Never tell me the odds."

"Oh, I'm just loving this plan." Dean rolled over onto his back, squinting at the high hot sun that was relentlessly beating down on them. He hated this place. "What the Hell, I've already died once. Or twice. I say we take our chances. I'll create a diversion and you get into that circle."

"How are you going to do that?"

"I've got angels on my side."

"No you don't."

"Yeah, but they don't know that."

-----------------------------------

"Some almighty leader." The words echoed through Sam's fuzzy mind. The hot grainy sand at his cheek was all too familiar. He hated this place.

"You're every bit a tyrant as Azazel, and like him you're gonna fall." Sam raised himself up, sensing the hostility from the crowd. Their energy was contributing to his fear, which was slowly turning to anger.

"Not so tough without your girlfriend to watch your back, are you?" Sam sneered at the demon throwing that comment. He really wished Ruby was there. She'd kick his ass.

"You just going to stay in your little cage forever? I'll wait for eternity."

Sam didn't want to consider how long he'd have to stay there. He needed to stay calm, figure out his next move carefully. He had to tune out all the taunting, but that was proving difficult. The fear and anxiety was building inside, the same feelings that eventually consumed him back in Hell. He hated losing control, but in Hamistagan control over irrational emotions such as fear wasn't possible. That was the nature of the place.

Sam got a strange feeling as the crowd turned away, turning their attention to a new visitor. His stomach turned when he saw who it was. "No," he said to himself. "Don't do this."

"Dean Winchester," one of the demons said, walking up to him. "If it isn't Heaven's favorite son. You come back to share some stories?"

"Nah, it's not as fun as being with you guys. You see God's got a rotten sense of humor, and his punchlines are killers."

The demon chuckled. "I don't see any wings flapping in the breeze. You piss off your angel friends with that joke?"

"Don't think they aren't watching. You see, I'm going to walk right through this mob, and I'm joining my brother over there in kicking your collective asses."

The demon wasn't phased. "You and what army? It seems you and your brother both have a problem with employee loyalty."

"I just have to wave my hand, and suddenly we've got a recreation of the battle in _Return of The King_. Guess which side gets obliterated?"

Sam watched with alarm, wonder what sort of death trip his brother was on. He carefully watched the demons, who were chomping at the bit to get to Dean. He felt that fury again rising inside, ready to tear anyone apart that dare touch his brother.

The crowd converged closer to Dean. "Leave him alone!" Sam yelled. He pushed out his hand, throwing any demon that got to close to Dean away. They continued moving toward Dean, distancing themselves from Sam. Sam got angrier, picking away demons at a furious pace. Dean fought off what he could, but they were coming too fast. Despite Sam's efforts, a few got through and started beating him.

"No!" Sam yelled, now frantic, stepping out of the circle. Suddenly demons swarmed on him too. He dropped to the ground and that's when he saw Bobby in the circle, sketching out something in the sand with his finger. The demons stopped their attack, and began running away.

Sam rose to his feet, seething in anger. Bobby's jaw dropped when he saw Sam's blazing yellow eyes. He saw Dean struggling on the ground, and rushed over to help him.

"Come on, work with me," Bobby said, throwing Dean's arm around his shoulder. "We don't have much time." Dean staggered a bit, but went along with Bobby as they rushed to the circle.

Sam saw the demons in retreat, and wasn't about to let them get away. He closed his eyes, and raised his hand in front of him.

"Close your eyes Dean," Bobby said as they made it into the circle just in time.

Sam snarled just before he let it all loose. The entire field was engulfed in yellow light, followed by a towering wave of dust.

-------------------------------------------

Dean awoke, finding a dusty Bobby on the ground next to him. "Come on Bobby, wake up."

Bobby stirred and groaned as he raised himself up. He and Dean helped each other to their feet and glanced all around the open field, seeing nothing but scorched spots of black all over the earth.

Dean realized someone was missing. "Sam!" All he heard was a loud echo.

"This ain't right, Bobby said. "Something should have happened by now. If the other souls are gone, we should be seeing something ourselves."

"That's because only angels deliver souls from Hamistagan." They both turned around to see Castiel. Sam was standing next to him, with Castiel holding his arm.

"Let him go," a desperate Dean pleaded, briskly coming toward them.

"He must be delivered for final judgment. That is the order," Castiel said.

"He biffed the entire demon army, doesn't that count for something?"

"It is not for me to decide."

Dean saw Sam's saddened face and wasn't ready to let his brother go. "Come on Cas, can't you spot me one? Bring him back with Bobby and me."

"No Dean," Sam said with a worn voice. "I've had enough. I'm ready for my final resting place."

Dean got closer to Sam, his heart falling into his stomach at the sight of how broken his brother was. "No Sam, you don't deserve this. You didn't deserve any of this."

"No, but I've been cursed ever since I was a baby. My death so far has been no different than my life. I just want it to end."

Dean looked at Sam with total fear, the tears pooling in his eyes. "No Sam, you fight this."

"Dean, I know about the deal you made with Castiel. It's okay, you did the right thing."

"I'm sorry Sammy, I wasn't thinking. Bobby set me straight and that's why we came back for you. It's a crap deal and I'm not gonna let it happen."

Sam wrestled his arm away from Castiel, and placed his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I would have done the same thing Dean. There's a bigger picture here. I'm okay with this."

Dean wrapped his arms around his brother's bigger frame, gripping him tight, and Sam did the same. Castiel watched the two with deep sorrow, looking at Bobby, who couldn't control his emotions either.

"I've always been proud to be your brother Sammy."

"Me too. Sorry I wasn't a better one."

Dean pulled away. "You were the best. Don't sell yourself short with me, or wherever you go from here, okay?"

Sam tearfully nodded. Dean gave him a look of pride, the tears now streaming down his face.

Castiel came over to Bobby. "You and Dean are permitted to go back. Your missions here are done."

Bobby nodded in understanding, knowing he shouldn't be questioning an angel's directive. "Take care Sam," he said with voice cracking. Sam dropped his head, too emotional to say anything. Castiel extended his two fingers out and placed them right in between Bobby's eyes. He disappeared into thin air.

Dean never let his eyes off Sam as Castiel approached him next. "Sam-"

"I know," Sam replied.

Castiel gave Dean a sincere glance of sympathy, and then sent him away with his touch.

Sam looked at Castiel with devastation, wiping away the tears from his eyes. "Thanks for agreeing to send them back, even though they helped me."

"They didn't disobey orders and caused no harm. I did it because it was just."

Sam took in a long breath, still trying to pull himself together. "I'm also grateful you sent them first. They didn't need to see this."

"I'm sorry Sam."

"Just do it," Sam said, eager to have it all over with.

Castiel nodded and placed his palm at Sam's forehead. Within seconds he faded away, disappearing into a flash of yellow light.

--------------------------------

**a/n: Anyone weepy?**


	12. Chapter 12

**a/n: I wrote the final chapter, and it's HUGE. I was going to break it up into two chapters, but given the issues with the site and the fact this has been done for several days now, I'll share it in one long chapter there. I'm sure everyone is ready for closure. Happy reading!**

**-------------------------------------------**

Dean gasped and threw his eyes open, his heart racing over everything that just happened. This was just as jarring as when he was pulled from hell. Traveling between worlds was no picnic. Bobby and Pamela hovered over him.

"Dean?" Bobby said, noticing he was still disoriented. "Can you hear me?"

Dean blinked a few times and raised himself up a little too quickly, then fell back down onto the table. "Yeah, just give me a minute."

"Did anything happen after I left?" Bobby asked.

Dean's heart sank when it all came back to him. "Cas just did his thing and I woke up." The vision of his brother acting like a condemned man haunted him. "Sam was still there, ready for what was coming."

"I'll see if the spirits are talking," Pamela said, finding her way over to the table with the Ouija board.

Dean didn't say anything, just staring into open space, devastated over what just happened. He wanted to know what Sam was going through. He wanted to be there by his side, so Sam wouldn't have to face judgment alone.

Bobby knew something was wrong when Dean was this quiet. "Dean, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well there was nothing you could of done. Nothing either of us couldn't have done." He knew he wasn't being convincing. Dean watched Pamela with baited breath and got up when she dropped her hands from the board and her face fell. He walked over to her, and was too nervous to ask what she found out.

"Castiel delivered him," she said. "He's in banishment right now."

Dean nodded, not at all sure why he was so angry. Her news was what he should have expected. Still, he didn't want to hear it. He stormed out the front door.

Bobby and Pamela heard the roar of the Impala engine and the spinning of its wheels as it tore away from the driveway.

----------------------------------------

Dean didn't know how long he'd been there, nor did he care. It could have been hours, days, weeks, it didn't matter, for time had stopped for him. The drawn curtains darkened the room so much he couldn't even tell if it was day or night. Come to think of it, Dean didn't even know where he was. After aimlessly driving for hours, he saw a motel at the side of the road and decided to stop.

The Johnnie Walker Red wasn't killing much of the pain, but that didn't stop him from drinking it like it was water. This hurt worse than his trauma of being in Hell. This hurt worse than when Sam died the first time. Sam was out there in the afterlife somewhere, condemned like a common criminal. Sam saved all those people, fought all those years to make the world a safer place, and it got him nothing. Sam was right, he never had a chance from the day he was born. The whole thing sickened him.

His cell phone went off again, but he didn't answer. It had been ringing in intervals for a while now. He knew it was Bobby, trying to find him. He just wasn't ready. He needed time alone to grieve, time alone to deal with his crisis of faith, time to find reason with what just happened. He was too grief stricken to see any rationale behind Sam's death. God's will or not, it sucked.

Dean was jolted from his blue funk when a breeze hit him in the face, but once it let up he scowled and took another drink, finishing the contents of the bottle. He greeted his angelic visitor with an empty stare. "Would it be blasphemous of me to tell an angel to go to Hell?"

"In your state, I don't think you care," Castiel replied.

"I don't," Dean answered bitterly. Castiel stepped over and sat on the edge of the bed. Dean didn't appreciate his gaze of pity. "Just leave me alone."

"For what it's worth, you acted well throughout these unfortunate circumstances. Your valor has been noticed."

"My valor? I wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Sam. Where's his pat on the back?"

"Sam was always your weakness Dean. His ordeal has made you stronger."

Dean threw the bottle at Castiel, and it smashed on the wall behind him. "You disgust me. I need Sam to cover my back, I always have. That's how I succeed! What makes you think I'll ever be part of your little war now? I'd rather go back to Hell."

Castiel nodded and kept his calm demeanor. "We know Dean." He inched closer and looked at Dean with firm honesty. "We knew you would act like this too." The angel raised his fingers and placed them right in between Dean's eyes.

Dean awoke on the cool ground, his head pounding and the wet grass irritating his cheek. It was dark and he jumped when he saw his whereabouts. He was sprawled on the top of Sam's grave. He caught sight of the pair of dress shoes when he raised himself up and looked at Castiel like he wanted to choke him. "What sort of cruel joke is this?"

Castiel stoically pointed to the head of the grave. "Help him."

Dean whipped around and gasped when he saw fingertips emerge from the ground. He got on his knees and frantically dug around them with his bare hands, easily pushing back the dirt of the fresh grave. He reached down when arms got through and pulled hard until Sam's head came out of the ground. Sam fought for breath while Dean dug in and slowly dragged the rest of him out. "It's okay Sammy, I got ya."

Once Sam was free, Dean clutched onto his baby brother for dear life, feeling both of their hearts pounding, stunned to see Sam breathing and physically unscathed. He knew this only came from divine intervention. "Can you hear me Sammy?"

Sam didn't answer, for he was too disoriented. Dean shook him a little. "Sam?" Sam blinked several times before focusing on Dean's face, and then saw Castiel in the distance. The sight of the angel was too much of a shock and he passed out.

Dean looked at Castiel with disbelief while continuing to hold onto Sam tight. Castiel turned away and flew off, leaving them alone. Dean wanted to shout out, wanted to get Castiel to tell him what was going on, but Sam needed him. That conversation would have to wait.

"Sam!" Dean said, shaking him one more time. Sam didn't respond, prompting Dean to check for a pulse. He was relieved to find a strong one. He fished through his pockets, grateful to find his cell phone, then opened it and dialed. "Bobby, I need you, fast."

----------------------

"Sam?"

Sam opened his eyes, freaked out by the faces he saw in front of him.

"Sam, talk to me," Dean pleaded, clearly upset over his brother's state. "You're at Bobby's, for real. This might be a little jarring, but Castiel brought you back."

Sam gazed full circle at the surroundings, feeling the lumpy couch he was stretched out on, but he was still unable to speak. He was shaking a little, unnerved by all that was happening.

Dean knelt next to him by the couch. "Sam, I know this is a shock, but you're okay. I wish I could tell you what happened, but you're alive and that's all that matters. We'll work through this."

Sam looked at Dean with total confusion, and then dropped his head into his hand.

"Come on Sammy, say something to me."

"This can't be real," Sam barely choked out through his gravely voice, never raising his head from his hand.

Dean didn't know how to convince him and his heart stung over Sam being in this state. Bobby tapped on Dean's shoulder, and they both stepped aside, giving Sam some room to work things out.

"Uh, Bobby, I'm not good with this head case stuff," Dean admitted.

"Give him time. I've heard of souls having issues once they cross a certain barrier. This could be normal."

Dean looked at a distraught Sam, blankly staring into space. "I wish I knew how to get hold of Cas. I'm so grateful Sam was brought back, but I need to know what's going on."

"I think we all do."

Bobby's eyes widened when he saw Sam get up and charge out of the room. Bobby and Dean looked at each other with confusion before chasing after him.

"Sam?" Dean asked, barely able to keep up. "Where are you going Sam?"

Sam headed down the basement stairs, and went straight for the panic room. He tried slamming the door shut once he went through the entrance, but Bobby wedged himself in the doorway before that could happen. Dean pushed the door open and grabbed his brother's wrists, fighting to restrain him.

"Sam, snap out of it! We're here to help." Sam stopped his struggle, looked at Dean with a pained stare, and took slow, hard steps over to the cot. He sunk down into it and fell onto his side.

Dean came over and crouched down where he was eye level with Sam. "Please Sam, talk to me."

"They can't find me here." Panic tinged in his voice and the fear in his eyes was disconcerting.

"Who? Lilith? Demons? Angels?" Sam didn't answer. "Come on Sammy, let me help."

Sam sighed and rolled over, facing the wall. It was clear he wasn't ready to talk. Dean stood up and went back to Bobby, who looked just as thrown by all this as Dean.

"Stay here, see if you can get him to talk to you," Bobby instructed.

"What are you gonna do?"

"Call Pamela. She knows more about this stuff than I do." Bobby stepped through the doorway. "Close the door, just in case."

Dean nodded and watched Bobby head up the stairs before closing the door. He went over to Sam, rolled him over, and found he was sound asleep. He sighed, both worried yet very relieved to see Sam there. He decided that for now, he should count his blessings.

Dean shuffled through the desk drawer. "Thank God," he said over his find. He pulled out the untouched stash of whiskey and settled in the chair next to Sam.

--------------------------------------------------

Sam heard the opening of the door to the panic room, and didn't look to see who it was. He knew it was Dean. His brother rarely left his side and wasn't gone that long. Sam remained curled up on the cot, holding a pillow, gazing forward.

"Sam? Got some breakfast for you."

"Not hungry."

Dean walked further into the room, setting the muffin and coffee down on the desk. He sat down and started eating his own muffin. "Come on Sam, you've got to eat. You haven't been hungry in days."

Sam ignored Dean, not changing his position at all. The more reality came back to him, the more he was too frightened to move. Hopelessness consumed him.

"Enough Sam. You can't stay in here forever. Whatever's wrong, we can fight this."

"I'm tired of fighting Dean."

"You can't live like this."

"What does it matter? I can't live, I can't die."

"Don't talk like that Sammy. You were given another chance. Doesn't that mean something? I'm at the end of my rope here."

Nothing mattered to him anymore, and he didn't care that Dean's patience was shot. He sighed and closed his eyes, hoping Dean would go away.

"Answer me Sam! I can't put up with you like this any longer."

Sam was slow to react, rolling his eyes before answering. "I'm still a freak."

Dean tilted his head, confused by that statement.

Sam raised his hand, and with his mind lifted a pen on the desk up in the air, before throwing it across the room. Dean was shocked. "I came back with my abilities Dean, and now they're stronger than ever. I'm not normal in life, I'm not normal in death. I'm still a freak."

"You've never pitied yourself before over this. What happened to making good out of your curse? You've got to snap out of this."

"I'll never find peace Dean. I'll never find redemption." Sam sighed and gripped the pillow tighter. He saw Dean tighten and clench his fists, recognizing his brother was holding onto his control as hard as he could.

"Can I get you anything else?" Dean asked.

"The usual."

Dean's head and shoulders dropped in frustration. "So that's it? You're just going to lie in bed and get drunk again?"

"What else is there?"

Dean stood up quickly. "That's it, I'm gonna drag your ass out of bed." Dean grabbed his arm, and Sam threw out his fist, connecting it with his brother's jaw. Sam gazed at him with vicious fury. "I don't need your help."

"That's a load of crap Sammy."

Sam sank back down onto the cot and rolled over, facing the wall. "Go away Dean." He heard Dean pace for a few seconds before finally leaving the room. "I'm beyond help," he said to himself.

Dean paced back and forth in the basement, taking in deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. He had to leave that room, or he would have done something he'd regret. He heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"Another bad morning?" Bobby asked.

"That's an understatement. He's snapped Bobby. I can't help him. This goes way beyond a case of the blues. The only way I know he's not completely out of it is because he keeps asking for whiskey. He drinks all morning, passes out in the afternoon and then does it all over again. He won't talk to me, nothing."

"Pamela warned us this could happen. It's been a few days, so we don't need anymore adjustment time. We've got to bring her in."

Dean nodded, accepting Bobby was right. He was at wits end and they had to try it.

"Why don't you pick her up?" Bobby suggested. "You've been cooped up in there too damn long and need a break. I'll handle Sam."

Dean nodded. "Thanks Bobby."

Dean walked by, patting the back of Bobby's shoulder in gratitude. Bobby watched a weary Dean climb up the stairs with slow, heavy steps. It saddened him, for the last few months hadn't been kind on Dean either and it killed him to see both boys like this. He sighed and went into the panic room, knowing he couldn't do much for Sam either.

-------------------------------------------

Dean had hold of Pamela's arm, and he guided her through the doorway into the panic room. Pamela picked up on the intense despair instantly. She frowned at the pain stirring inside Sam right now.

"Hi Sam, how are you feeling?" She was led to the chair next to the bed.

"You already know." Sam was lying on the cot, on his side, refusing to get up or move.

"Yes, I do." She knew too well. "Sam, what you're feeling isn't unusual. It happens sometimes when souls cross a barrier from Heaven. I can help you."

"How?"

"I need to do hypnosis."

"Why?"

"You need to remember what happened before you came back."

Sam stiffened and his eyes darkened in fear. "I'm not sure I want to do that."

"You've got to try. Something has you spooked and you need to know what it is."

"I…I can't."

"You won't get better unless you do. It'll be okay. All you need to do is relax and focus and I'll do the rest."

"That hasn't been easy to do lately."

"Please Sam, try. It'll be easier than you think."

Sam looked beyond Pamela to see Dean standing behind her, giving the message with his authoritative look that he should try this. Sam exhaled in defeat, rolled onto his back, and looked up at the ceiling. His body stayed stiff and he gripped the blanket, feeling the terror in the deep pit of his stomach.

Pamela reached out for Dean before getting started. He took her hand and squeezed it, letting her know his wish to have her continue. She turned back to Sam and put her hand on his forehead. "Deep breaths Sam, in and out. Clear your mind and focus on my voice."

Sam did as instructed, and loosened his grip on the blanket slightly after a few breaths.

"Good. I want you to think about someplace beautiful, a place of peace."

Sam tried and then shook it off, then tried again. "Some place serene, where you can drift and be free." After another attempt, he settled down. She sensed Dean rolling his eyes and stomped on his foot.

"I'm going to count now Sam. Focus on my voice. 1, 2, 3…" Sam's eyelids began to flutter. "4, 5, 6…" His eyes fought to stay open. "7, 8, 9, 10…" Sam was out.

"Good, stay relaxed. What do you see right now Sam?"

Sam jerked a little and then cowered. "No."

"What is it Sam?"

"It can't be."

--------------------------------------

Sam sat on the floor, his back up against the wall and legs stretched in front on him, lost in the fog of his own thoughts. He had nothing to stare at but the plain walls of the white room, the place that had become his prison. His hands and feet had shackles on them and were hooked together by chains, but he guessed they were there out of symbolism. He had nowhere to go anyway since there was no door. Not a soul had come to visit him.

He had been there for what seemed like an eternity, but then again, he knew time was different in the afterlife. Sam sighed as his head began to hurt over his latest train of thought. Everything seemed hopeless. What did I do to deserve this? He didn't understand. He did the best he could with what he was given. He only wanted to save people.

He spent a lot of his time in isolation looking back on his life and the choices he made. He honestly didn't see where he would do anything different. Is his punishment because he hadn't learned and repeated the same mistakes? Was it because he offended someone by making his own decisions? His intentions were good, but then again, Dean already warned him where the road to good intentions led. Maybe he didn't know the difference between right and wrong after all.

Sam had just about lost hope, believing now he'd never find his way out, he would never find peace. He was destined to be alone, isolated, to be the freak he always had been. No one could help him or save him.

"You've broken me, okay?" He shouted into the open air, not caring if anyone was listening or not. "I did the best I could and I have no regrets. That may not be good enough for you, but I'm okay with it." His frustration spiked the more he thought and he wished he had something to throw. Instead he pounded his fist into the ground. "What sort of God gives punishment like this!" Sam dropped his head into his hand, for his words were just bouncing off walls.

"A merciful God," a voice spoke out. Sam's eyes shot upward and he backed harder into the wall when he saw who was there, dressed in white. "Dad?"

John smiled and walked over to him, crouching down beside him. "It's so good to see you Sammy."

"But…how? How did you get here?"

"How did you end up here Sam? The Lord works in mysterious ways."

Sam reached out to give his Dad a hug, but his chains prevented that from happening. His head dropped in humiliation. "I'm a prisoner Dad, condemned for eternity. What's so mysterious about that?"

John placed his hands on top of Sam's, gripping them tight, offering reassurance. "This isn't condemnation Sam. It's a place transition, a chance for you to reflect and release your burdens. It seems you've been doing that."

Sam sadly smiled. "My head feels like it's gonna explode." He looked up at his father, noticing a change. His eyes were different. They were filled with purity, optimism, and hope. "What happened to you Dad?"

"I found peace son. Someday you will too."

Sam inhaled and exhaled unevenly, feeling so defeated by everything. "I'm having a hard time believing that. I'm cursed."

John let go of Sam's hands and sat down on the ground, settling next to his youngest son. "Sam, we both know you've had to endure more than anyone should ever have to. It's not what you're dealt, it's what you do with it. You've done well son, and you've made me proud."

Sam didn't understand the sentiment. "Then why am I being punished? You know no one has ever given me a chance. I'm not evil. Why do the angels and God think I am?"

"They don't think you're evil. They just didn't know what you were capable of. That's why you had to die. It was supposed to be your test, your chance to prove your worthiness, but it went wrong. You weren't supposed to go to Hell. The fact that you tried to fight the evil while in that awful place has been noticed."

Sam scoffed. "It obviously wasn't enough." He lifted up his arms, showing off his chains.

"You ended up here Sam because you let guilt and your uneasiness get in the way of your faith. You needed time to make amends before getting your final judgment."

Sam didn't fully understand what he was being told, his lost eyes letting John know that.

"Sam, you and Dean are both part of something much bigger than you realize, and your work is not done. The powers that be had to make sure you were ready."

"Ready for what?"

"To follow your path. Dean already had his test in Hell and the angels are ready for him to lead. Now you've had your test."

Sam nodded bitterly, for even though it made sense, the test was pretty brutal. "Did I pass?"

"Not with flying colors, but yes, you passed."

Sam shook his head. "Given the circumstances, it sure doesn't feel like it."

John reached over and put his hand on Sam's shoulder, giving him a big smile. "The judgment has been made Sam. You're going back to earth."

Sam's spirit sank, for he wasn't sure whether to treat that as good news or bad. "I'm tired Dad. I'm not sure I have any fight left in me."

"You have plenty left Sam, and you're the only one that can defeat Lilith."

"She got away?"

John nodded. He reached over and easily snapped the shackles off Sam's wrists and legs. Sam stared at him in amazement as the chains fell to the ground. "You're free now Sam."

Sam's heart leapt out of his chest and his despair spiked. "Please, I can't do this anymore."

"Yes you can Sammy. You're more than ready. What happened in Hamistagan was a misstep, but it was the battle, not the war. Lilith's breaking seals again, and you have to stop her. The angels know now they can count on you. You and Dean both."

Sam couldn't fight the rush of emotion inside and was unable to stop his watering eyes as well. John reached over and held onto his son, and Sam let it all out with deep sobs.

"I don't feel saved, Dad," Sam choked out.

John rubbed his hand along Sam's back. "I know son. It'll take some time."

Sam let his dad hold onto him for a long while, consoling him. He couldn't remember the last time or if he ever had this sort of comfort, but it was sorely needed. He certainly never got it from his Dad before and welcomed it now. By the time he finally pulled away, he felt so much better. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his back.

"So what happens now?" Sam asked, pulling himself together.

"Castiel will take you back. Dean will be there to help you. Going back will be jarring, and you won't be quite yourself at first. Just remember as soon as you are back, Lilith will know. Be careful, and take precautions."

Sam nodded. "Yes Sir."

John stood up, and reached down to help Sam up to his feet. He looked deeply into his son's eyes, and smiled. "I know you'll keep making me proud. Tell Dean I'm proud of him too, and I miss him. Let him know everything will be okay."

Sam nodded again and hugged his dad one more time, just before everything went white.

-------------------------------

Sam snapped himself out of the trance and sat up on the cot, dazed by what he remembered.

"Sam?" Pamela asked. Dean was right behind her, looking at Sam with worry.

"It was a test," Sam softly said, still shaken over what happened. "I died because of a test."

Pamela and Bobby's jaws dropped, while Dean got livid. "A what?? You mean to tell me, all that happened to you, all that grief we went through, was because the angels were getting their jollies?"

"I was brought back to destroy Lilith. They trust me to do that now. I'm the only one."

Dean was not at all happy by this. "The next time I see an angel I'm going to put my fist down his throat!"

Pamela sensed there was more. "Anything else Sam?"

Sam hesitated to answer. "Can Dean and I have a moment alone?"

Pamela nodded and got up. Bobby took her arm and led her out of the room, looking at Dean with reservation. Once they were clear, Sam pointed his head toward the door and Dean closed it. Dean exhaled and came back over with trepidation, unable to interpret Sam's nervous expression. "What is it Sammy?" Dean asked with concern.

"I saw Dad, Dean."

Dean's face turned white and he dropped slowly into the chair by the bed because his knees felt weak. "Seriously? How…how is he?"

Sam slightly smiled. "He's good. He's up there now and isn't suffering anymore."

Dean's face twisted as he was overcome by relief. "Thank God for that."

"He wanted me to let you know how proud he is of you, and that everything will be okay."

Dean rubbed his chin and shook his head, in shock over what he was hearing. "Good," he said as his voice cracked.

"Why don't I feel like everything is going to be okay?" Sam's eyes dropped into his lap and he let out an uneven sigh. "I've got this deep hole inside of me Dean. I'm scared."

Dean paused and leaned forward in the chair. "You know, that chick in Hamistagan, Asherah or whatever her name was, she did something to me. It's like she took away all the guilt or something. I can't explain it, but it was something powerful that confused me again. It was just like the first time I met Castiel. I've been unsure about this whole God thing, ya know finding out that he was real and all that. It's been both a blessing and a curse. While it's great to know there's a higher power, his actions are more confusing to me than any nasty creature we've seen. When I came back from Hamistagan, I had every reason to believe God was vengeful, spiteful, and outright mean and I forgot all that I knew. All I saw was that he took you from me Sammy and…" Dean had to stop, for his upset was clouding his clear stream of words.

Sam looked at him solemnly, waiting for him to continue.

"And then he brought you back. After all that talk of wrath and punishment against you, in the end he showed me the greatest mercy possible. In my book, that counts for something. In my book, that means everything is going to be okay."

Sam blinked his eyes several times, freeing the tears pooling in his eyes. "Asherah did something to me too. She made me see benevolence through all that hatred stirring inside. It was a blessing Dean, it had to be. I didn't get it either until I talked with Dad."

Dean nodded. "It seems we both are having troubles understanding these heavenly creatures. I have comfort though in knowing they don't get us either."

Sam smiled and climbed up from the cot, standing straight on his feet, wavering at first since he hadn't gotten up in a while. "Then we've got work to do."

Dean smiled and nodded. "Alright." He slapped his thighs and got up himself.

Sam headed toward the door. "Sammy," Dean said, stopping him.

Sam turned around to face Dean. "Yeah?"

"Are you gonna be okay?"

Sam paused, carefully considering his answer. "I was told someday I'd find peace. That's all I've got to hang onto."

Dean shrugged. "Good enough for me."

They both looked at each other with encouragement and Sam opened the door. They went to join Bobby and Pamela, ready for the next fight.

The End

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**A/N: That's a fic everyone! Thanks for putting in the time, and I hope the ending was satisfactory. When I started this, I had a beginning in mind and an end in mind. I still got what I envisioned, but the middle went far beyond my expectations. I'm thrilled with the result though. I hope you are too. This so far has been my most successful Supernatural fic, and I thank you all for that. **


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